Saturday, I was on the computer blog hopping while Trinity was sitting at the table eating her lunch. Tiara was coloring and we were wasting some time until it was time for Trinity’s gymnastics. I ran across a blog written by a women whose tagline went something like this: working Mom of two toddlers, blogger and trying to figure it all out.” I stopped reading right then and there and exited off the page.
I was instantly annoyed and perplexed as to how this “Mom” could work a full time job, be a blogger and mother her 2 toddlers? I walked over to the table and told Trinity what I had just read and I laughed at her response. “Well, Mom she probably just ignores her kids. She probably wouldn’t even know if they wandered out the front door and walked into the street.”
Me: “That’s a little rough don’t you think, Trin? We don’t know this lady, maybe she pays attention to her kids and is able to do all the other stuff?”
Trin: “Mom, you know that it is impossible. She can’t work and blog and spend much time with her kids. She’s probably like a bunch of the other parents who ignore their kids, it’s super common.”
WOW! I was pretty shocked at her immediate and natural response to my query, but I was really proud. As much as I like to accomplish things in life, I have tried to instill in my girls that it is impossible to give everything your best effort when you have too much on your plate. I have also tried to explain that once you have kids either by accident or intentionally, they should be your priority from the moment they are conceived.
My Mom and Dad always told us that my sister and I were the most important part of their lives. We believed them because they told us this often and their actions spoke louder than words. As a result I grew up feeling very loved and safe.
Luckily I married someone who had the same idea as I grew up with. I told Lou that once we had kids, they would always come first. He totally agreed and funny enough that was one of the only things we ever agreed on when newly married.
I was going to continue this post and talk about the Moms that don’t put their children first in today’s society but I realized I don’t need to. I know that most of my readers are of the same mindset as me so I would be preaching to the choir. No point, plus I don’t have time to read all the hate mail I would receive if I talked about the Mom’s who spend more time volunteering for the schools and other causes than spending time with their own children. Or discussing all the financially rich women who chose to work 10 hour days so they can avoid raising their children themselves.
Oops, sorry that slipped.
Have a wonderful Wednesday!
xoxo tiffani
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Amen tiffani!
It’s funny that I should read this today when I am trying to suppress panic about something I have due today and three things by Friday. I do take a lot on. But when I take it on — I usually have plenty of time. But throw in the mom duties, house duties, I still haven’t learned the best way to manage time. I think there is this fallacy that “part time” work allows you do to everything else. I don’t want to miss out on the things I want to do. But like you said, once you have kids they need to take the priority. I need to get better about this — time management and probably saying “no” more often. Another group hug.
I have learned that part time work for a Mom is the worst possible scenario. You still have a big job commitment yet everyone in the family thinks you only “work part time”.
hugs back and hope you get your projects done. That explains why you haven’t been posting as much.
xoxo tiffani
This strikes me in a few ways. As a working mom who has absolutely no choice but to work full-time (and there are many of us) it is the saddest thing in my life to know that I have not been able to be there as much I should have for my son. My preference would be to spend all my time with him. That said, any time I spend not working I devote to him. Which means no side projects, trips to the gym, girls weekends or any sort activity that is meant to fulfill me without regard to my son. You can’t have it all. But I can see why a woman who has to work full time would attempt to get a little ME in there. From my standpoint, I withhold judgment.
I totally understand there are tons on Moms who have to work but also adapt as you do. I am not talking about you or Moms like you. Moms like you tend to overcompensate and do more for your children because you hate to be away from them. I am talking about the Moms I see who don’t need to work but want to work and hire someone to watch their children or the Moms who have full time nannies, yet they don’t even work, they just busy themselves so they don’t have to take care of their children. I once worked a full time job and went to school at night and hardly ever saw Tabitha except on the weekends. I don’t feel as if I had a choice, so I get it.
I guess I shouldn’t have pointed my finger at working Moms, or volunteering Moms, rather just loser Moms who don’t want to be with their kids. Some women have the choice to be with their children and choose something else, that is what saddens me.
xoxo
Hi Tiff:)
I love this topic..
I have a lot to say on the topic, but like you feel that this audiance is on the same page, so it’s not necessary!
I will just add one thing. When I first had kids, and financially we were so strapped because it was early in our careers, my husband wanted me to work as much as I possibly could. I knew in my heart I couldnt leave my kids to work full-time, now way. And I heard Oprah say something that I have used over and over again with myself and with others:
“You can have it all. You just can’t have it all NOW.”
Priorities, priorities, priorities.
xoxo
Marcy
P.S. Loving your VLOGS by the way- so cool:)
I love what Oprah said! It is so true and just a great thought to store in the back of our brains. I once heard Dr. Laura say ” your kid doesn’t care if you are a doctor, they care if you tuck them in at night and spend time with them.” Same thought, said differently but I always have to remind myself of this concept to keep my PRIORITIES in line. Glad you are enjoying the vlogs, so fun! xoxo tiffani
I’ve found no direct correlation between the friends who were in daycare and had powerhouse mothers who weren’t home much to those who had June Cleaver as a mom and the closeness of their relationships. I wish it were that prescriptive, frankly.
If you take a moment to consider how close your own daughters are with their father, how much they love him and how infrequently he’s actually home, keeping very long hours, you’ll find there is no pattern.
And some women I personally know do juggle it all. I do VERY poorly at this because I’m better focusing on a few small things at a time. My colleague, Patty, has an insane job, business travel, two amazing teenage boys (twins born early with one who had some residual health problems), a very good 20 year marriage and she spends all day Saturday at their sports functions. BUT she does contract out A LOT and if anything is key, I would say it’s that (housekeeper 2x/week with full laundry service, family meal cook on Sundays who makes meals for the week and stocks groceries).
Love this!
I am blessed that I have the ability to stay home with Reagan and take care of a business that I run from home. I know there are some moms that don’t have the luxury of not working a 40 or 50 hour workweek … they would rather be with their kids but are unable to.
I know that even as a work at home mother that I still can’t do anything by myself and I need the support of others around me. Namely my husband. It would be nearly impossible to do it all myself.
That being said, I would love to have the financial freedom to have a housekeeper, shopper, chef, errand runner, etc!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
http://www.raising-reagan.com
You are blessed to stay at home as am I. And you are right, we all need the help and support of our family and loved ones, it is a tough job.xoxo
Totally impossible to do it all, thought i was way better at it when I was younger. 😉
I’m visiting today from Linkin with my Ladies. 🙂
Really well said. We all juggle lots of things, but you can’t juggle everything all of the time.
Found you via the Linkin with ladies hop and looking forward to following on Bloglovin.
Kate x
http://www.kateathome.com/
This is a touchy subject Tiffani, but awesome that you blogged about it.
I have a friend who’s a full-time mom and a friend who is a stay at home mom, both have girls who were born 2 months apart and are turning 3 this year. So I guess I got lucky in that I can do a personal case study on this subject.
I see my friend who is a full-time mom interact with her daughter and the quality time they spend together is wonderful! For instance she’ll invite me to run errands with her and her daughter after work . At the grocery store she’ll ask her daughter to help her pick stuff out, ask her colors of fruits, etc., etc. She takes her to the library on weekends, reads her 3 books everyday (one in the morning and two at night, her daughter told me mama reads me 3 books), she’ll have a dance party when she gets home from work. She’s a superwoman in my eyes. Her daughter is calm, polite, has a great vocabulary and is just a sweetheart.
Stay at home friend I had a stay while visiting her last year for about 7 days last year at my stay-at-home friends casa and was expecting the same type of interactions surprisingly she leaves her daughter alone a lot while she is on the computer, doing her nails or online shopping. Their interactions were limited to meal times and a few minutes of play. I couldn’t help but notice that her daughter watched a ridiculous amount of television and her speaking skills weren’t that great because well no one was really talking to her during the day. Her daughter is the cutest thing and I hope overtime it will improve, but I’ll say it out right “LAZY PARENTING!”
Because you’re a stay-at home mom and have all day with your child doesn’t automatically make you a better parent or being a working mom coming home at 6pm at night make you a bad one.
I see that now and at one point I thought I was going to be a stay at home, and felt that working moms weren’t equivalent to that. now I feel like I can do both as long as I do both the best I can.
Good Perspective Hannah and so true! It is touchy subject but it all boils down to whether you are committed parent or a lazy parent and I should have made my opinion more clear in my post. Love that you have a case study, helps to make a good decision. xoxo tiffani