Sadly I have spent some time during the last week thinking about when to put our dog to sleep.
I mentioned in a previous post that Bailey our standard poodle was diagnosed with lymphoma, even though he just turned 6 this September. Unfortunately the cancer is growing really fast and we have been faced with the looming question of when will we need to put him down.
Two weeks ago he had started growling in his sleep and acting aggressive so we thought the cancer had traveled to his brain. We took him to the vet anticipating that he would need to be put down right then, but the doctor said it was the high dose of steroids we were using to fight the cancer that was causing the behavior problems not the cancer. That was a huge relief but as a result we had to take him off the steroids immediately and within a week the tumors in his neck doubled in size, which is horrible. Each tumor is now the size of a tennis ball.
While I was away with Tiara in the hospital he developed a limp and had an accident in the house. Louie and I got really scared and weren’t sure what to do. I wasn’t home to see him myself so Louie and I face timed so I could see how he looked. Gotta love technology. He looked like the dog I love but with a saggier coat, no shine in his hair and a really bad limp. Lou decided he would take Bailey back to the vet that day and get his opinion. I started researching vets that would come to our home to put him down while Lou was taking him to our regular vet. The vet said he only had 1 week to 1 month to live. That was last Thursday.
I begged Lou to come to the hospital and stay the night with TT so I could go home to see Bailey just in case Tiara remained in the hospital indefinitely. I needed to spend some time with Bailey since he considers me his primary master and I hadn’t been home in 6 days and he needed me. I know he doesn’t eat or sleep well while I am gone, so I wanted to give him a little break by coming home for the night and let him know I cared and knew he was feeling bad.
As soon as I saw him I noticed he smelled really different, like a sick person and was limping while trying to greet me and do his circle dance. He spins in circles around you when you walk into the house. I used to think it was funny and annoying and now I just feel sad and want to cry thinking about it. Back to what the vet said. The doctor told Lou ” you will know when it is time to put him down.”
Really, how will I know for sure? The doctor always tells you before your baby is born, you will know when it is time, but guess what people I never knew. I showed up at the hospital for lots of false starts and then almost waited too long several times. Life and death seem so uncertain at times. I watched my grandparents die and each time I was always surprised when it finally happened. You prepare yourself as much as you can and when you finally think someone can’t survive another breath, they continue to breath for another day. The human spirit is beyond comprehension.
The problem is that with animals, we have to choose when it is time for them to pass in order to avoid unnecessary suffering. What if we put him down before he is ready. What if he would rather suffer and die naturally than be put down. He can’t tell me, so I don’t know what he wants. I can look into his eyes and see he doesn’t feel well, but we all feel sick at times. Do you think he knows he is dying or does he just think he is sick and hopes to get better. Sadly, I think he knows the truth and I don’t know how I will find the strength to make that final call to the vet.
As I watched Tiara breath with the help of a ventilator mask last week I wondered how many more hospital illnesses her body could endure? She is stronger than anyone I know but when the nurse told me how bad her veins looked I got really scared. The thought of my child dying is more than I can bear to think about so I will stop thinking about it until the next big seizure happens or the next emergency trip to the hospital occurs when I am confronted with this unconscionable thought once again.
But what about Bailey? Will I really know when it is time for him to leave our family? Will he tell me somehow? I pray Lou and I will know and make the right decision for him.
xoxo tiffani
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That’s a very tough decision. My mom was always the strong one in the house when we were growing up. She took care of all of the animals and vet when it was “time.”
Oh no Tiffani. I’m sorry you are now struggling with another terrible situation. I agree with the prevoius person that you will know when the time is right. It’s sad to see our pets suffer. My thoughts are with you. Stacie xo
Good Morning Tiff:)
I feel like every time I write to you, I have some parallel experience to share, something that may help….
I just put my standard poodle down the friday after xmas. He was a healthy 14, but had something neurological happen in the last 4 weeks. He was also put on steroids which helped him significantly…..at least we got through xmas.
So, we had about 4 weeks to contemplate the decision. And I will tell you, you will absolutely know when it is time. From my experience, when you see NO more tail wags, no enjoyment in anything, then that’s pretty much when you know. And funny enough, my Cocoa even had funny smell during the last week. Maybe that’s an indicator too? I’m not sure.
My situation was different in that we saw Cocoa live his full life. I can’t imagine the sadness you guys are going through. Thank goodness dogs can be set free to Doggy Heaven so easily so they don’t have to suffer. And when it was time, I knew that Cocoa’s spirit had already started to go, the light in his eyes was gone, and he was ready to run free at his favorite park without pain , with us in spirit. Immediately after we put him to sleep, we drove directly to his favorite park, and I could almost see him sprinting up the hill he had ran hundreds of times as a puppy. I know he was there in spirit and he was thanking me for setting him free:)
I will keep you close in my prayers, I’m just so sorry you guys are having to go through this. xoxoxo
Marcy
Oh, Marcy I am sorry about your dog. I am glad you knew when it was time, hopefully I will too…..
One thing my vet told me was, when your dog stops enjoying the things he loves, it’s time. It’s alot easier said then done, I’m days away from the same decision and everytime my husband & I talk about it we end up in tears and change the subject. Shoot, I’m tearing up now! I’m thinking of you during this difficult time and no matter what, When you make the decision, it’ll be the right time. xoxo
What the vet really means (but doesn’t say) is that you’ll know when YOU are ready. Animals have the wonderful benefit of not knowing they’ll ever die. Yes, your dog feels sick but does he realize he’s going to die, never to return to this earth? Does he have that level of [human] cognition? No, of course not. I put down my dog who was 16 1/2 that I’d had since he was a puppy and loved deeply. But the time I was ready (ready to claim “he was ready”), it was probably 2 months beyond the point I should have waited, and he suffered needlessly – something that was very hard to forgive of myself for a long time. I will never do that again. All we can ever do for these little souls is to love them and care for them and keep them out of pain. I pray you’ll realize soon that it’s you Bailey needs to make the decision that he’s had enough. Be there with him and hold him. He’ll sleep peacefully in your arms when he leaves, which will be a gift to you both.
I know you are right and I don’t want to wait too long and make him suffer just to prolong my own suffering. That wouldn’t be fair to him.
He still wags his tail and eats but can no longer go on his walks so the time is coming near…..
You have been through so much. My heart breaks to hear you have one more heart wrenching experience to walk through so soon. You all are in my prayers.
Thanks Cyndi!!
Ugh…Tiffani you have been through hell these past couple of weeks. I hope that you do get that moment when you just know.
It’s never easy.
Thoughts are with you my friend.
xoxo
Lanaya
http://www.raising-reagan.com
January 3rd was a year since I had to put my dog to sleep. Missy was always full of life and always wanted to eat and when this changed, I knew it was time. Its weird how you will come to peace with it and the time will come. I was truly depressed for months after and still can’t talk about it without crying. Im sorry you have to go through this. My heart is sad for you.
Thanks Anna! xoxo tiffani
So sorry about Bailey. Belive it our not you will know when its time. Our last dog Loverboy had been with me since birth and he had degenerative spine disease , the last few months the girls and I carried him and “walked” him with a towel under his belly to hold him up. we were his back legs. Everyday I wondered if I was being selfish by keeping him with us but something kept me from taking him in. It was in his eyes, there was still a spark every time he saw us, until one day and then “I knew”. He told me he was tired and ready. He gave us an amazing 14 1/2 years. It still brakes my heart 7 years later but I know that he stayed with us as long as he could and he let me know when I had to do the right thing by him..
Oh so sad for you Tiff. It is really hard to be the one to make the decision and you never really “know” to be honest because we always are hoping that they will wake up tomorrow and feel differently. Dogs have the unique ability to always be happy to see you and express that even when they really feel like shit, so this makes it even harder for us to make the decision. When we had to put our dogs down (one this past June at age 16 and the other the year before at age 15) it was just as hard both times. We definitely waited too long the first time and finally it was painfully obvious. I will always feel badly for making him suffer so much. This last time it wasn’t so easy to tell because of the dog’s temperament (he literally fought till the end) but I just knew that we could not let him suffer any longer. When it hurt him to walk and go to the bathroom, that was it for me. He still ate like a champ so I guess it is different with every dog. But, what we had to determine was, if a dog’s pleasure is gone (walking, eating, moving around) and he is just surviving, that is not fair. I am so, so sorry for you. Poor Bailey, always so excited to see you. I love you!