Today I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I screwed up again. It’s that moment when you feel heavy, sad and disappointed in yourself and wonder how you could have made the same mistake again.
For every lesson I have learned in this life, the one I can’t seem to master is, how to keep my mouth shut.
I have no problem respecting my family’s wishes in regards to the internet. If I am unsure of their reaction to something I write, I read them the post before I publish it to get their approval. That’s not the issue I am concerned with.
My problem is when someone tells me something I always have to dive right in and analyze the issue. I like to talk about every angle, discuss every issue with everyone involved and sometimes one person doesn’t want me to discuss the issue with everyone involved. I am not gossiping or at least in my mind I am not gossiping because I am trying to help solve a problem, yet my help isn’t always requested. I have made this same mistake over and over again in an attempt to help and solve problems which are not mine to solve.
I hate feeling helpless when someone I love is struggling with something but what I hate worse is feeling like I disappointed the person I am trying to help because I told confidences that weren’t meant to be shared.
I know I am babbling right now, but I am frustrated with myself. Most everyone in my family knows I have their best interests at heart but that doesn’t always make it any better.
Moments like this I realize why God gave me Tiara. She needs my constant support, care-taking and never ending problem solving. Not everyone needs these same things from me and at some point my attempts to help may look more like me trying to control everything in my family circle. Yes, I am a control freak and I know it but sometimes I am just trying to help.
Through the years I have learned to hold my tongue about some things, but Gosh darn it, I haven’t learned this lesson well enough! I am so mad at myself because I was doing so well and yet again I messed up.
So I know you have no idea who or what I am talking about, but thank you for letting me spill my sadness onto you and listening. I am feeling a little better. Sometimes it sucks to be so real. Having to look in the mirror and know you messed up isn’t fun, but at the end of the day at least I am trying to fix my mistakes. I guess that’s all we can do.
xoxo tiffani
available on kindle
I struggle with the same thing. I totally understand how you feel, but don’t beat yourself up . Your human, we all make mistakes. Thanks for sharing and I hope you have a good day! 🙂
I have one of those mouths too. I have been much better about not letting it just go but still something I need to work on,
xoxo
Lanaya
We all struggle with those kinds of things, and we ALL mess up. Good luck with it and I hope tomorrow’s post mentions how well it was all resolved 🙂
Hey Tiff,
Been there, done that. More times than I wish to say.
About a year ago, I even got reprimanded at work for helping with an area that wasn’t in my job description!! I was devastated, and even though I knew my intentions were good, I felt like I had really messed up.
But then I stood back, and I asked myself what the “bigger picture meaning” of this experience might be. YES, one part of it was a lesson to wait for someone to request my help before I offered up my ideas, advice, critical thinking etc. But another thing came to mind as well: was this something I was good at? Actually a real strength that had a purpose in my life that I wasn’t truly fulfilling?
The answer was YES. And maybe there is some nugget of perspective that you could gather from what happened? By stepping even further back from it and looking at it from a neutral distance……maybe you have a calling that you haven’t realized….something that wants to be put into action in your life, and because you haven’t done that yet, it’s coming out in areas that aren’t as productive??
I have always had the yearning to help and to heal. Recently, I remembered a funny story my mom had told me about my childhood. At five years old, I stayed up late into the night talking to one of my mom’s dearest friends who was visiting for the week-end. The next day, she told my mom that she felt like she had been talking to a counselor all evening! ( as opposed to a 5 year old whose main job was to go to morning kindergarten everyday). When I recently remembered this, it helped me understand that while I use a lot of counseling in my work as a speech therapist, and I have read every book there is about healing, emotions, spirituality, and had I completed a 1 year (costly) life coaching program, I was doing nothing with this knowledge and skill set. Getting reprimanded at work helped me to see this!
I just hate to see you feeling so badly about what happened, and I know you are doing the honorable thing by admitting what you did, making ammends for it, and trying to learn from it. But don’t stay in that shame or feeling bad for too long! Use what happened to learn more about yourself:) That’s what life is all about, learning. I’m excited for you to find out what the bigger meaning in this experience may be!!
xoxo
Marcy
I love that story about you as a 5 year old and you are right Marcy. I am good at analyzing a situation and figuring out how to help so I should do that more. I think this blog is the beginning of something more and you have just given me a few ideas.
xoxo tiffani
Don’t be so hard on yourself! You can’t re-do the past. Be positive! Make the best of today and tomorrow!! Hugs, Stacie xoxo
We all mess up. I always say if someone took something I wrote or said as hurtful – it wasn’t meant as such. I might be prideful or vain or scatterbrained or a lot of other things but I’m not mean-spirited or meddling. I know you’re the same way. Unfortunately sometimes when we act, it’s misinterpreted.