I used to write a series “What would Tiffani do? and loved it but the questions stopped coming in. Well, a friend sent me a question yesterday, so lucky me I get help. Love doing these.
Hi Tiffani,
Here is my dilemma. It’s all about MY baby cradle that was given to me by my sisters when Liam was born 3 years ago. I used it, loved it and made the mistake of offering it to Bryan’s cousin and his wife to borrow. It was around the time of “the cousins” baby shower that I told them that I would buy the cradle mattress and bedding for the cradle as the baby shower gift. Keep in mind that the baby is already 1 1/2 years old and clearly not using the cradle. Anyway, I assumed that I would get the cradle back after maybe 4 months or so. But not even a word has been mentioned about it and I cant bring myself to ask for it. I obviously don’t need it and wont need it, but its mine and its special to me. I would love to keep it as long as possible and maybe one day Liam’s child can use it.
So my question is: How do I ask for it back? Keep in mind, they are not the easiest people to converse with. Please help. I’m seriously loosing sleep over this.
A
Dear A,
A couple things came to mind as I read your email. One, I am not sure if you made it clear you were loaning them the cradle since you bought them new bedding and a mattress instead of having them use your child’s hand me downs. That being said, if you want the cradle back I think you have every right to ask for it back. Because I know you personally and know you are very organized and particular about things, you assumed they would get it right back to you right after they were done with it, because that’s what you would have done. You probably would have cleaned it, packed it all up and delivered it back to them as soon as your child was finished using it.
Well, not everybody is organized and on top of everything. Maybe they don’t even want to keep it but haven’t bothered to get it back to you? Maybe they thought it was a gift and when they were done with it, thought it was rude to ask if you wanted it back? Maybe they put it in the garage and haven’t thought about it since? With that being said I would do this.
If you have an email relationship with them I would send them an email saying something like this:
“Dear Cousin,
I have been going through Liam’s clothes, toys and baby things and getting everything organized before the holidays.
I realized you still had the cradle and I hadn’t taken it off your hands once you were done using it for (child’s name——). Storing stuff like that can be cumbersome, so sorry to have forgotten. I would love to arrange a time to come and pick it up. I am such a sentimental Mommy, I am hoping Liam will save it and use it for his own children some day.
Let me know what works for you.
Thanks, A”
Now if you don’t normally email, I would call them on the phone and say almost the exact same thing. Remember to blame yourself for burdening them with the storage and don’t even hint that they were keeping it intentionally. Play dumb and assume everyone knew they would return it and just hadn’t gotten around to it.
Using this approach should will take them off the defensive and I bet they will gladly return it to you. Hopefully!
Thanks for writing in and hopefully this will work. Remember, you must always communicate with people even when it’s hard, otherwise people assume all sorts of stuff about one another.
xoxo tiffani
p.s. I still haven’t fixed my feed issue so that’s why the emails are arriving so late. My post goes live at 2am so you don’t have to wait to read it until you see the email. Just go straight to my site. xoxo
Great advice Tiffany and can totally see you writing an advice column. Seriously, you nailed it here and having your friend take the blame really does take the pressure off this couple for being on the defensive. And I just always come to your site in the morning now and check to see if a new post is up (because this is totally my morning reading time anyways). So works for me 🙂 xoxo!!
So happy to see your comments first thing in the morning! I wish someone would offer me a job writing an advice column, I would love it. xoxox
Thanks for the advice Tiffani. I will let you know when I get my cradle back. 🙂
hey — So good to see you back. I agree. If it were me, I could be something that I stuck back up in the attic thinking I would get it to them but never did. And I think she just needs to nicely ask for it back. (Since I’m the type that might be keeping it because of disorganization.) I think it’s perfectly understandable if she mentions wanting to put all of her child’s things up for safe keeping so a grandchild could use. She might be slightly embarrassed but more relieved that than anything to have it back with it’s owner.