What I have been hearing around town….

 

So apparently, I have learned from several sources that people are concerned about me after reading my posts.  I so appreciate your concern, but what some of you may not realize is that most likely by the time you have read my post for the day, whatever issue I was complaining about or fretting about is long gone and I have completely forgotten about it.  That is how I get through my life.  Crazy, but true.  As my mother in law told me today, my life has been like this for years, but no one knew the gory details until I started this blog.  The seizures, the violence, the mood swings, all has been going on for 8 or more years.  But now that I “dump” all my personal baggage into the posts I feel so much better, but you may not after reading about all my junk.  I’m sorry.  I  have also recently learned, like today, that apparently I have lightened up on a few people in my life since I started writing the blog.  Now that I have something else to focus on, I leave them alone.  More good news.  You may think it is impossible to imagine that I literally just move on that quick after something happens, but I do.

Just yesterday, Lou and I had a conversation about our drive home from Northern California.  He told me hard it was for him to watch Tiara keep grabbing my neck and hurting me, but right after she did it,she would apologize, I would forgive her, and then I would act like it never happened.  He was still upset and was so perplexed that I literally just “let it go” seconds after it happened, and would start laughing about something else right away and didn’t even seem fazed.  He lives with me and still can’t figure me out, so I am probably a little confusing to others who don’t know me that well.  Even today when I told Tabitha about my blog for today, she said ” why would someone worry about you, mom?”  I explained that she sees me everyday so she knows I am good, but other people never see me and read about one of my days and worry.   Sometimes my walking friends will see me in the morning and be like ” Oh, you are Ok?”  “Of course, why wouldn’t I be”?  I ask.  “Well, I saw your blog today and I was worried!”  ” I’m good, maybe a little tired and grumpy, but no different than usual.”  I respond.  And so it goes, I pretty much take it all in stride and move forward fast.

 

You  may find it interesting to know, that neither my mother or father read my blog.  I have printed out 2 different posts for my mom to read and she is like “Why would I want to read this?  It is so depressing and I already experience it, so I have no desire to read about it too.”  My Dad read one of the posts and was fascinated that I actually had self -awareness about what a crappy gift receiver I am.  Oh, Dad.  Like I told him, ” Just because I know I am bad at receiving gifts doesn’t mean I can change my behavior that easily.  I am trying to be more gracious but am not always successful”.  So as a rule, my own family really doesn’t worry about me unless I cry, which I hardly ever do.  If I cry to or in front of anyone in my family, panic sets in.  If I cry it means something terrible or life threatening is wrong and everyone gets so stressed out, I get even more stressed.  So I reserve all crying for dire situations.

 

So in conclusion, I absolutely love all your emails, messages and notes of support and encouragement and they always cheer me up, but try not to worry about me.  I have realized this blog is not about bringing awareness to only my issues with Tiara, but for all the families that face similar issues.   Sadly, my situation is not totally unique.  Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, and caretakers are getting beaten up all over the world by children like Tiara.  Some are autistic, some are  developmentally delayed, and some are mentally ill.  All the families love their children, and all these children love the people they are hurting, they just can’t control their actions.  So everyone suffers until a solution is found and sometimes there is no good solution, which sucks.

 

So take my posts with a grain of salt, not to feel bad for me but to remind you of what is important in life.  It is like when I see a homeless person.  I say a pray for them, sometimes I try to give them food, but that doesn’t always go so well, so I usually just spend the next few minutes thinking about how they survive and how hard it must be.  And so at that moment I am so grateful for everything I have and have been given.

 

Sending you all love for this Wednesday…..