No, I am not going to say a cure for Tuberous Sclerosis or an end to world hunger, this is not a beauty pageant blog but a reality blog. Seriously, every time my hubby asks me what I want for Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary or Mother’s Day my answer is always the same,”Nothing.” I think I have mentioned on several occasions I am not a good at receiving gifts. If I don’t like the gift or I think he spent too much money on me I blurt out something rude like, “why would you spend so much money, that is so silly, and so not worth it!” It is like I have no self control or filter. I completely ruin the whole moment and process of giving and receiving in one quick swoop. If only I could be fake and pretend, everyone in my family would be so much happier.
If any guys are reading this, they are thinking, wow, how great. she wants nothing, that is the kind of wife I need. If only it was that simple and I actually meant what I said. Like most women, I say one thing but mean another and expect my husband to understand the subtle difference. But because we live on different planets, that being Lou and I, he has never quite understood what it is I really want. With the exception of a back rub, I ALWAYS want a back rub.
When we were first married, Louie would sometimes come home with flowers, just because. He has since learned his lesson. I guess most wives would be thrilled, but not me. He would walk in with the red roses from Conroy’s or some huge local retailer and hand them to me and say ” here honey.” My eyes would get big and googly and I would blurt out a fake “thank you.” What, you don’t like them? “Well. its not that I don’t like them exactly, it is just that I am not a huge fan of overpriced non fragrant roses that will most likely never open and the buds will just flop over in a few days.” So I respond. “Plus, they are such a waste of money, I could have bought 2 actual rose bushes and planted them in the garden for the same price and I would have roses for years.” And so I have once again ruined his sweet, thoughtful gesture by my inability to keep my mouth shut. After 20 years he has learned to never buy me flowers and pretty much has learned not to buy me anything at all unless I ask. Once again, living with me is not easy.
This past year, he actually broke the treaty and bought me two rather large gifts. The first being an iPhone. Of course if took me several days to really love it and get over the angst of not knowing how to use it and being frustrated. But I now officially love it and am grateful. The second was not a gift just for me but for our whole family. He surprised us on Christmas morning with a new Apple Computer. We had been talking about getting a new computer since we had 2 nearly dead PC laptops that constantly were on the fritz. So I was researching the best make, model and price and Lou just disregarded all my research and walked in to the Apple store on Christmas Eve and plopped down his credit card. I was totally shocked on Christmas morning but once the shock wore off, I was happy. I personally hadn’t been able to wrap my brain around spending all that money we didn’t have on a computer, which is a necessity of life to a middle class person, but not a real necessity of life.
The funny part is, that if he would have foreseen buying the computer would lead to me starting a blog, he probably won’t have made the purchase. So as you can see I do like gifts even though I say and think, I don’t. But yet as I am writing this I am wondering why I think I am so opposed to people buying me gifts. The first thought that pops in my head is growing up I was really spoiled, so maybe I feel guilty getting or asking for gifts. My mom bought me new clothes absolutely every week. I never really asked she just did it. She loved to shop and she always wanted me to look a certain way, therefore she constantly bought me new things. Plus the fact that my aunt has owned a clothing store forever didn’t hurt my wardrobe or my constant influx of new material possessions. When Christmas came around, I would get so much stuff it was embarrassing. When my friends would ask what I got for Christmas, I would lie and not tell them everything because I didn’t want them to know how much stuff I got. That is so weird. I don’t know why I felt like that? I guess that even though I was spoiled my parents taught me to care about others feelings. Some of my friends didn’t have much money and hardly received any gifts for Christmas. Not only didn’t they get much, but they had a much harder life than me and I felt bad. So maybe I maxed out on receiving gifts as a teenager, just like I maxed out “having fun” once college was over.
So back to this Mother’s Day…. Lou or the girls haven’t even asked what I want because they already know my answer. The big question is “what do I want for my Mother’s Day breakfast.?” As a creature of habit, I want the same thing I eat everyday. A piece of my homemade whole grain bread toasted with peanut butter and raspberry jelly on it. Along with my double ex large vanilla latte in the huge mug I received from Trinity last year for Mother’s day(pictured above). Seems so easy, but what you don’t know is that I am constantly changing my ever evolving habitual routine. If you asked me 2 months ago, what I wanted for breakfast I would have said a Luna bar, 2 months before that egg whites with avocado, 2 months before that whole grain bread toasted with humus and tomatoes, 2 months before that a whole wheat bagel with mustard, and 10 years ago a dozen donuts. And so my poor husband and children never really know what to make me unless they have been paying close attention to my newest obsession and we all now they haven’t. So one never knows if I will actually eat the breakfast or just put on that phony fake smile I have tried to master over the years.
What I have learned is that I am not good at receiving but really good at giving, so I will be giving this Mother’s Day. I will be making lunch for my whole family including my mom, dad, mother in law and sister, and her kids for Mother’s Day and that will make me happy. I love to cook for my family and I bet they will even help clean up.
I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day and to my friends and family who don’t have a mother here on earth, you will be in my thoughts and prayers because I know how hard this day will be for you. Love you….
