Trinity’s first experience with sexual harassment…

My youngest daughter, Trinity just graduated from high school and was initially going to work in the car business with her Dad. Because of Covid his dealership laid off lots of people and she realized she needed to figure out another job for herself until the world eventually returns to “normal”. After struggling to find a job she decided to make a profile on Care.com in hopes of finding a babysitting job for a special needs child. Because of her experience of growing up with Tiara, both her and Tabitha love special needs children and are drawn to taking care of them.

After a week of no luck she received a message from a local mom asking for a phone interview. After completing the phone interview with the mom, whom we will call Carly for privacy reasons, she asked Trinity to come spend time with her 5 CHILDREN the next day as a trial run. After the initial four hour meet and greet, Trinity came home excited about watching the five children aged 4 to 14. The parents explained she would be picking up the children from day camp at 4:00 pm in the family van, drive them to pick up take-out fast food and bring them home. While at home she was responsible for watching the three youngest, making sure everyone was showered and ready for bed and reading the young ones stories and putting them to sleep. I thought it seemed like a huge job for her and rather overwhelming but after spending another four hours with them the next day, she was hired and ready to start work.

And how much to do you think she was going to be paid for this huge job? A whooping $12 an hour to start. I laughed my head off since this wasn’t a family who was struggling for money. They lived in a large home which they had just finished remodeling on the bay in Newport Beach. Unlike myself, Trinity didn’t care about the low wages and was grateful for a job. Plus, they gave her a credit card to use for buying food and she was allowed to buy herself food as well, so she really loved that.

Each morning Trinity would excitedly recount how her previous day of work went as I was already asleep when she got home at 10:30 pm. The first time driving the van she accidentally curbed it while navigating the Raising Cane’s drive thru but there was no damage . The youngest boy who had a propensity for shrieking tantrum’s at regular intervals, bit her finger while refusing to go to bed. While putting one girl to bed the 7 year old daughter decided to coat her newly washed hair with a thick layer of body lotion. It was hilarious for me and enlightening for Trinity to see how other people live and raise their children.

Each morning I couldn’t wait to wake up and hear about the previous adventures/mishaps from the prior day. Trinity was determined to find ways to get them to listen to hear. Everyday she learned something new and loved being a nanny.

One thing I didn’t like was an odd feeling I had when Trinity would talk about the Dad. Something seemed off with how much time he was engaging Trinity in conversation. I warned her: “Do not be alone with the Dad, it’s not appropriate and I’m getting a weird vibe about him.”

Trinty: “Mom, you are just being paranoid. He is just being nice.”

Me: “Okay, just stay alert. Weird things happen when you work in people’s homes, I know first hand. (Remember my post about the super rich guy who got really creepy while decorating his house.)“

Of course the parents were really loving Trinity’s work effort and the kids had bonded with her so by the third week she was working Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday 3:00pm to 10:00pm. On Wednesday of that week I sensed a shift in Trinity’s attitude. Normally she was excited to go to work but she seemed a little down. I asked her if everything was okay and she said it was, but I didn’t believe her. Friday night after work she went and hung out with a male friend of hers, Keegan, and confided in him some of things the Dad had said to her that seemed a little off.

Thank goodness Keegan told her that the Dad’s actions were super creepy and NOT normal. She got home late that night and I was already asleep. Saturday morning we were talking and she seemed sad.

Trinity: “I don’t want to go to work today! I’ve been working so much.”

Me: “What’s wrong, you love work.”

Trinity: “I know but yesterday the 2 little cousins were there and they were so bratty. I asked them to put away their iPads so I could read them stories for bed and they refused.”

Me: “Is that all?”

Trinity: “Yes and I’m just tired. The whole family is going on the big boat today so I’m going to be doing a lot of swimming with the kids. Can I borrow your swim shirt?”

Me: “You want to borrow my long sleeve swim shirt,” I asked completely perplexed.

Despite my constant warnings, Trinity loves to lay in the sun and get a tan. She normally wears a revealing bikini like all the other girls her age and has never worn a sun shirt in her life. I looked her in the eye and said:

“What did the Dad do?”

Trinity: “Nothing really…….. it’s just…….last night after the kids went to bed he asked me to help with the parental controls on the apple products. He was sitting so close to, I started freaking out.”

Me: “And what else has he done?”

Trinity: “Well…. he keeps commenting on what a pretty tan I have and Wednesday night he asked if I wanted a shoulder massage. Of course I said no, but it seemed really weird so I asked Keegan what he thought and he told me it was creepy. Now I’m thinking about the past few weeks and realize he has done lots of weird stuff that I just thought was him being nice.”

Me: ” I’m sorry honey! You know I’ve had a really weird feeling about him and just yesterday Tabitha said she had a weird vibe too.”

Trinity: “I know mom! I just thought he was nice like dad and now I know he is a creep and I’m freaked out.”

Me: “What else has he done?”

Trinity: ” Well he keeps offering to wire me extra money if I need it for clothes or anything else. He also walks me out to my car each night and gives me a hug goodbye.”

Me: “Are you freaking kidding me? Does the Mom ever hug you?”

Trinity: “No.”

Me: “This is insane. You can’t go back there!”

Trinity: ” But I love the kids!”

Me: ” I don’t care, it’s not safe.”

Trinity:” I have to go today. The Mom is going to be with us all day on the boat, so I’ll go today and then call and talk to the mom tomorrow and tell her I can’t come back.”

Me: ” Okay, but if he says or does anything to make you uncomfortable you have to protect yourself. Just announce in a loud voice: “I feel very uncomfortable right now and that should hopefully throw him off his game. If you need me, you call me and I’ll get you out of there.”

Trinity: “Okay, Mom, I’m just so bummed about the whole thing.”

Me: “I know sweetie. This is why the #metoo movement was started. Imaging working incredibly hard to succeed as an actress, an executive, or any job and then a man above you starts pulling this shit and threatening your future if you don’t do what he wants. Its disgusting! This sucks but it is a great lesson. I bet if you contact the previous babysitter you might find out something similar happened to her.”

Trinity: “I know, I’m just sad about leaving the kids. It’s not fair to them.”

Me: “No it’s not and their mom better open her eyes and fix this situation for her children before something bad happens.”

My deflated Trinity left for work wearing my huge bikini bottoms which are more like swim shorts, my long sleeve swim shirt and long sweats. She was covered from chin to ankles. All day I was worrying about her and then I received a text from her.

“Mom, I’ve got to get out of here, I’m about to cry. The mom and 2 younger kids decided not to go on the boat with us last minute so it’s just me, the dad and the 2 girls. He just asked me to drive the boat and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable.”

“Now he told me to take off my swim shirt so I could get some sun.”

Me: “How far are you from shore? I’ll call you with a fake emergency and get you off that boat!”

Trinity: “Yes, please, I’m freaking out.”

Long story short, they got back to shore within an hour and I called her with a fake emergency and told her she needed to come home. She got home and ran into my arms. I sat hugging her while we ate dinner and talked about the situation. The good news is that she learned a very valuable lesson at a young age. I have taught my girls to always trust their intuition no matter what, and this experience reinforced that lesson. She also learned that most men aren’t “just being nice” like her dad.

You may be wondering how she quit her job. We talked about it a lot and she was too nervous to tell the Mom everything that happened but I thought she should know. So we agreed I would call Carly myself.

The next morning I sent Carly a text, explaining I was Trinity’s mom and asked if she had a moment to talk. She called me immediately.

After thanking her for calling I said: “Unfortunately Trinity will no longer be able to work for your family.”

Carly: “Oh, Okay, I’m so sorry. We really like her. Is something wrong?”

Me: “Yes, your husband said and did some things which made her very uncomfortable.”

Carly: “Oh, I’m so sorry she felt uncomfortable. She is such a great worker and the kids adore her. I feel horrible that she ever felt uncomfortable in our home.”

Me: ” Would you like to know what your husband did? If not, I don’t need to tell you.” I then heard her take a deep breathe.

Carly: ” Yes, actually I would like to know, so I can talk to him about it.”

I then very calmly gave her the list of indiscretions. She was extremely apologetic and promised to make sure Trinity received the balance of her paycheck. I felt sorry for her but down deep she had to have already known but just didn’t want to face the truth. She sounded like a sincerely sweet woman who may have picked the wrong guy and now she had five kids, an affluent lifestyle and making a change might be too scary. Trinity said she was always nice but a bit checked out. I suspect she needed to stay checked out emotionally to deal with her reality.

I mean reality can be such a bitch, which as you know, I know first hand. Living an honest life with integrity is freakin hard and a daily struggle to stay accountable to one’s morals.

Oh and I forgot to tell you that Trinity found another job right away watching a 10 year girl during her zoom school two days a week while her mom is at work. She is getting paid $15 dollars an hour and the family has wonderful energy and are super artistic, so Trinity is thrilled. She is still available to work on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays if any of my local readers need childcare help, send me an email.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

xoxo tiffani

If you still haven’t read Loving Tiara you are missing out!

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