I may become very unpopular today but I don’t really care. I was going to write this post last week but I was in such a twitter about the whole subject I decided to calm down and wait so I could discuss my opinion like a reasonable human being. Here it goes. I am of the opinion that if your child is playing a sport, they are not entitled to play in the games merely because they are on the team.
I will admit, I get rather excited at my children’s sporting events. I try not open my mouth and cheer because once it is open and the first word of praise flies out, I never seem to be able to stop myself from commenting on each play. I always try to be positive but one of my biggest issues always arises when a child/young lady is on the court playing when they shouldn’t be, because they suck. Yes, I went there. If you kid isn’t good, they should sit on the bench, just like my children have done many times. Everyone gets a short chance and if they do well, the coach will most likely keep them in, if not, back to the bench. One mistake is human, two mistakes are plausible, but after that, SUBSTITUTE that child out!
Tabitha is the biggest athlete in our family and she was an amazing soccer goalie, a great volleyball player and a rather gifted discus and shot put thrower. She is so going to kill me for telling you about the last two. Either way, she has always worked hard at every sport she participated in. She never missed practices, had a great work ethic and yet despite her talent and devotion sometimes she didn’t get much playing time. This was very common in the volleyball world because there are so many great volleyball players in our area it is hard to be a starter. Some seasons she started and others she didn’t.
Guess what, it broke my heart and bummed me out when she sat on the bench but I NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED TO A COACH. Sometimes a girl who wasn’t in my unbiased opinion as good as Tabitha, would start in front of her or get more playing time. Yes, I would get super irritated and my panties would get all in a wad while I sat on the bleachers picking my cuticles but I always tried to observe and figure out the reasoning behind the coach’s decision. Even though I thought it was super unfair, I kept my mouth shut. OK, I would complain to my hubby and a few token confidant’s but never would I breathe a word to the coach.
The reason I am even talking about this subject is because Trinity is playing volleyball at her school. She is new to the game and not really amazing, but she has a good attitude and is trying hard. I was not surprised that she didn’t play much during her first game last week, but she did get a chance to play a few minutes. I was super grateful for those few minutes because based on her performance in practice and what I have seen in the backyard, I wasn’t sure if she would even touch the court during game time. Please note that every girl with good enough grades in the 5th and 6th grade are welcome to join the team. No tryouts, they are all welcome. Clearly based on that criteria I feared Trinity may not get much playing time with 16 girls on the team and I warned her in advance. “Have fun, cheer for the other girls and if you make it on the court, play hard.” Well, Trinity was thrilled when her team won the first game. She gave me one small frown about not playing much and I responded, “You were lucky to play at all. If you want to play during the games more, you need to have Tabitha help you after work. You have to practice more.” Simple enough or so I thought.
Apparently not all parents prescribe to this same philosophy. Some parents believe that all the children should play in the game regardless of their skill level,” IT SHOULD BE FAIR”. Really, why should it be fair, life isn’t fair and kids should learn that a young age. Not everyone is rich, or beautiful, or smart, or a musician, or a mathematician, or a computer whiz, or an athlete. I could go on and on as I am sure you can imagine. Each of us have strengths and weakness and as parents we are supposed to help our children navigate through all the different activities and discover what they like and are good at. Not everyone is good at everything and just because you make the team doesn’t mean you deserve to the opportunity to play during the games.
If your kid doesn’t want to sit on the bench don’t complain to the coach, do something about it. If you kid really wants to play, they should work harder, ask for extra help and they will improve. If they don’t improve, maybe it isn’t their sport. Either way remember they are a part of a team, playing a game with the goal being to win and have fun. As one of Tabitha’s favorite coaches used to say all the time, “there is no I in team”
With that being said, parents should appreciate the fact that children have the opportunity to participate in so many different sports nowadays. I think parents may forget or not realize that when my father was young not everyone got to play little league baseball, soccer, and football. They had to try out for the teams at a young age and if they didn’t get on a team, they did not have the opportunity to play. The leagues didn’t find more coaches and start more teams so everyone could play, they were just out of luck. Sorry, try again next year. Now everyone gets the chance to play on teams until junior high or high school without even trying out.
Appreciate your child for who they are and what they are capable of doing and stop complaining to the coach if you kid doesn’t get to play. Get a grip!
Go Tiff!!!
When my kids were little (ages 2 and 5), I decided to leave Newport Beach and raise them in North San Diego County. My daughter was born at Hoag, and went to kindergarten at Newport Heights. I had met my husband there, and enjoyed so many good times in that area. BUT, I got fed up with the cluture of “get all you can” and “I want it all”.
There are good people everywhere, I had dear friedns I still cherish from Newport. But I found so many spoiled adults that were raising kids that same way, as if it were part of the culture to be spoiled!! Nonsense! We can’t always get our way, right?? And by handling disappointment, we grow in character and in so many other ways.
And cheers to us all having our own strengths and gifts. If we aren’t guided as children to seek those out, we miss out on valuable time we can be honing our talents into something really amazing, right? Your girls are so lucky to have you as a mom!
Once again, I’m so inspired by your ability to stay so beautifully navigate these real life challenges in a way that is just brilliant! What you posted is just what these parents need to hear, and I admire you for having the guts (and the grace) to say it!!
If I had known more moms like you, I may have decided to raise my kids in Newport…..you go girl!!
xoxoxoMarcy
You are so sweet, Marcy! I hope you found what you guys were looking for in North San Diego. Looks like you aren’t the only one who agrees with me. I am rather shocked that so many people share my viewpoint. Have a wonderful day, friend!
I could not agree more! I call it the American Idol syndrome of our country. As a family we watch the tryouts for AI and Icannot believe that parents have actually encouraged their children (whatever their age) to tryout. I tell my kids all the time that you can not be the best at everything! You should try everything and then find out what fits you best.
Love that “American Idol syndrome”, so gonna use that!
Don’t worry about unpopularity on this post Tiff ~ I think there are more people that agree with you but are not bold enough to say it,
I absolutely agree with Ericha ~ encourage your kids and have them try everything until they know what niche they are best at.
Guess you were right!
I could not have said this better myself. There are so many things I could say about this topic adding experiences with our boys in AYSO, NHBA, Club Baseball teams, Carden Sports, and now Freshman sports @NHHS, but I won’t. You summed it up nicely and the comments you have already received from your viewers regarding some of the spoiled Newport parents, the American Idol Syndrome, and popularity are perfect additions to your blog today! I often times get the impression that these parents really believe their kids have a chance to be professional athletes. However, if you look at the stats that is not necessarily the case. Maybe we should encourage our kids to set some other goals for themselves as well. It’s just like my dad has told me since I was little, “Life is Not Fair so Get Over It”.
Thanks for sharing you opinion out loud gal. I always knew you were on my side, we could talk hours and hours about the injustices in sports. love ya
Hey Tiff,
Thanks for having the huevos to state a fact that is absolutely RIGHT ON!
This isn’t AYSO anymore.
Thanks for the great insight!
Kirk
You go girl! And what about “everybody is a winner?” There is a reason we keep score in sports, and there is a winner and a loser! Nobody likes to win more than I do but our children need to learn to lose graciously and it is better to learn sooner rather than later!
Forgot about that “everybody is a winner,” saying. So funny, and yes learning to be a good sport and losing with grace is super important especially in the scheme of life!
OMG Absolutely the same conversation I was having today! I love the “No “I” in team” and the most important, though, seemingly lacking trait in our society: Be kind! There is nothing wrong with saying “good try” or “thanks for that assist” or whatever to the worst player on the team. Who knows the power those words might have in that child’s life. Each child is born with wonderful gifts that hopefully are encouraged and developed and not everyone is an athlete Not every child is cut out to be an Olympian, a collegiate scholarship athlete, a varsity player or even a Jr Lifeguard pier jumper (touchy subject at our house) Who cares! Hopefully the things that children gain from being part of a team; friendship, being part of something larger than themselves, learning from another adult than a parent, free snacks (just kidding), sitting on the bench, paying attention and cheering for your team mates and LOSING are invaluable. By the way, not all teams out there are for athletes. There are all kinds of experiences just waiting for our kids to try Now off I go to sit through the 3rd flag football game of the week and to wait for the coach to realize that my son would be an amazing quarterback 🙂
I’m the first to disagree?? Really?? If a child pays the fee to play, has a good attitude and goes to all of the practices they should absolutely get playing time!!!! They will learn valuable skills in an actual game that they wont learn in practice. At a young age its not about being a superstar–its about learning the skills and having fun. I couldnt disagree w u more….
Yes, if they “pay to play”, buy the uniform, show up to practice and meet every other requirement, they should get to play!!! Who joins a team to sit the bench? Come on! If a coach can’t play everyone almost equally, then they shouldn’t be coaching! It’s about the kids learning to play and play as a team, not about getting the win all the time. It’s school sports not PRO sports! Some coaches are just grown up “ex jocks” trying to live their dream through a few kids on the team. If they really cared about the kids, all the kids would get to play. If they have no intention of playing all of the kids, they should make it known before they join.
Absolutely! All of the skill sets are relative. Not one person stands high above the others. Some players rarely show up to mandatory practices much less the extra practices but are starters. Our teams get whooped by those teams that learned to rotate out ALL the players because the “RockSTar,” starters are all gassed from playing the entire time. Jello legs gets beat by Fresh legs every time. Secondly, how and when will the bench warmer get a chance to better themselves at game play if they do not get game play? I also like the mentality of little Johnny, you got 30 seconds to play, you made mistakes so you got pulled. Really? More playing time makes better players, all day/everyday. No, when the rockstars get all of the playing time and are gassed and lose, I blame the system. The system is flawed. Don’t want to believe me? Play against my teams I coach. Every one plays. Coaching is finding the BEST suited position for ALL players and incorporating/exploiting those skills. Diversity breads excellence. Learn to coach actively, not lazily.
I agree with you. There is a point when they need to let other players in to actually give a chance to increase their talents. The lady writing this doesn’t have a CLUE about seeing their child dying to p!at when they arena back up player on a football team position. In fact I find her post OBSURD AND CLOSE MINDED. Nothing more painful than watching your kid loose their encouragement when they play decently too. I have a few names I’d like to call this lady. Sorry I came across her horrible post.
Amen Tammy~
I think if it is pro sports then yes they can be benched but if we are talking REC ball- we all pay the same- they should all be able to play for FUN- I completely understand school sports and professional but it’s recreational ball that is about having fun- playing even if you suck and learning to be a team- not singling out the smallest and worst players to not be on the field.
I agree with Tammy. As parents, we pay a small fortune for our kids to play sports. My son is not the most athletically gifted child, but he works very hard, has a positive attitude and never misses a practice. At a recent football game, many kids were playing both offence and defence. without getting a break, and other kids were benched the entire game. I see that as very wrong!!!
Our football team is similar. Most boys never get off the field while a large group watches from the sidelines. Many parents have pulled their kids off the team and others have a “no game policy” where they only attend practice. As a result the team had had to forfeit many games and the boys are so tired halfway through a game they always lose.
When will the coaches open their eyes?
My issue with this is that a team needs a minimum amount of players to compete. That number isn’t necessarily the amount of kids needed for each play, it can be more. So if you need 12 kids to play but 8 are on the field or court or ice and 4 sit, what inspires those kids to continue paying? Part of improving their skill is actual game experience
A lot of kids don’t want to play anymore because they feel what they contribute is inferior because they aren’t the best. And because they quit, the team is no more or has to forfeit games, so regardless of if they should try harder, they are just as important to the team and should be treated As they are valuable, because they are. Our town has already lost hockey and badeball due to these benching practices. If ends up hurting all the kids.
What kills me is when your team is losing by 20 points and there is a minute left to go and your child is still sitting the bench. Not to mention he has attended every practice, game, etc. and still is not put in. Is it an oversight? How do you explain that to a twelve year old why he was the ONLY one not substituted into the game. We play for our middle school and there are starters playing that grades don’t meet standards and mine is straight A and can’t get 45 seconds of playing time. It’s disappointing to me and him. He isn’t the best player but by all means he listens and does exactly what is asked of him. I didn’t raise him to be a quitter, but I know it embarrasses him. There isn’t much I can do about it either without hurting his playing time further.
I have decided after watching this year’s season that a good coach is able to work every player in the game for least at several minutes. It is unexcusable for your son to the only one not substituted in, clearly his coach isn’t very good. I know the feeling of watching you kid sit on the bench and sometimes I think it breaks our hearts more than theirs.
I agree that not all kids should get equal playing time, but my son tried out basketball this year…and our Coach plays EVERYONE but him every game. It’s humiliating for my son. But he is not a quitter, and sits there every game, attends every practice, keeps his grades up, etc. The Coach basically ignores him…and when my son asks what he can do to improve…the Coach tells him “nothing, you’re fine”. Well, he’s NOT fine because he NEVER plays. What a load of crap…the Coach basically just blows him off. he only cares about winning. This is a small school. There are 8 boys on the team. Mine and one other NEVER play. My son excels at other things, and we try to keep him focused on that…but how can he improve or even find out if he can unless he plays.
All I can say is this situation sucks! It is totally unfair but yet a symptom of our society. The kids don’t get the opportunity to just play a sport with their friends and have fun. Because my youngest daughter isn’t a great athlete I have worked really hard to get her focused on other activities which she is really good at. Sadly your son may just need to do sports with the family and stay away from school sports if the coaches are going to ruin his self esteem. That being said, as Mother’s we feel worse than our kids. It hurts us more to watch them sit on the bench than our child. If you son is really upset about sitting on the bench find some other sport for him to engage in next season like Tae Kwon Do or martial arts. If you son doesn’t mind sitting on the bench and just enjoys being part of the school team, then keep your feelings to yourself and let him work it out. I know it is hard but it is all we can do as parents, we can’t fight their battles. Best of Luck! xoxo tiffani
I came across this post because I am so frustrated with my daughter’s coach and was seeking some advice. My daughter’s 7th/8th grade basketball team switched coaches mid season. She went from being a starter to being benched. This is her second year on the team and she got more playing time last year than what she is getting this year with this new coach. O yeah & may I mention that his daughter (new to the team this year) is a starter and plays 90% of the game??? Stats my daughter was leading in shots. She has great control of the ball & has speed, I am not suggesting that she is a Michael Jordan but I believe and parents of other teammates agree that she is a good player and asset to the team, but obviously the coach does not think this way. You are not supposed to “complain” to the coach, but when we tried to talk to the coach about why he wasn’t playing her, maybe there was something going on during practice that we are not aware of as parents, he got really defensive and said he would not talk to s about that. I believe at this level ALL kids that are putting in the effort should get playing time. To allow them to be a part of the team and grow their skills.
As a Mom to a gifted athlete and a not so gifted athlete I completely understand your frustration. My oldest daughter was an amazing soccer and volleyball player and each season with a change of coaches all the stress started over. One minute she was a starter like your daughter and the next minute she was standing (in volleyball they don’t let them sit during club season) on the bench the entire time. Why? Because the girl who was now starting had an older sister who was amazing player but this other girl wasn’t. I used to feel sick to my stomach after watching her stand the whole day and yet I never said anything to the coach. I figure if the coach is idiot enough not to see her talent then he wasn’t going to listen to me.
I have come to the conclusion that the problem with our society is everyone is preparing their child for college sports when they start playing at 4 years old. The kids are given the chance to learn, have fun and try new sports unless they are toddlers. Our society has become so competitive we aren’t allowing our children to be children. It is really sad but true. As parents I don’t know what we can do about it except spend time playing sports with our own children at parks or in the backyard. That is the only time they will just be having fun, learning and relaxing. xoxo tiffani
I too am frustrated with coaches that don’t play the kids. When my son tried out for his high-school
basketball team, there was 4 slots to fill and 22 kids trying out. He was one that made the team. Now that he’s on the team he hardly plays. He keeps his grades up, goes to all practices (even the practices that are not mandatory) and he works just as hard as everyone else. I expected that he wouldn’t be a starter and that he probably wouldn’t get a lot of playing time, but I thought he would get some play time. If the coach thinks that my son isn’t a good player, then why did he choose him to make the team? It’s so frustrating.
So where I live we have travel basketball made up of rec kids… Open tryouts, you play rec you can be on the team! I take my third grader to tryouts opening this will get her more coaching than regular rec… There aren’t enough girls to make a team. ( this is for a 3rd grade travel team that will be playing in a 4th grade league) so I was asked by rec director if I would let my second grader play for bodies. I felt the kind of kid she was she would be ok. So sure!! We have 9 girls.. To start the team!! One 3rd grader is Lebron awesome and carries our team because she is THAT GOOD! 2 others are good too.. Much better than anyone in the 3rd grade ….around!! So we go into our first travel games and we win., coach tells me he was told we wouldn’t win a game but these kids are learning getting better for next year. Ok perfect my girls go to practice …my 3rd grader really isn’t good, I was like holy crap!!! But she is getting better.. We have seen improvements !! my 2nd grader is ok.. She is learning and getting better .. So much better that we have people telling us she’s going to be “baller” she again is 7 and this is her second yr of playing. I feel they get ample level of player time for their skill level. So we play in a tournament and our coach text us and says he’s adding a player for tournament because we are going to be short some girls… Sure… He adds a fourth grade girl says that’s ok because we are in a fourth grade league! No problem!! Week after that tournament she is on our team. I’m ok with that.. Couple other parents not so much. Week after that we go to practice he brings on another 4th grader! Now I’m like whoa what’s going on.. Other parents concerned. I felt calling and asking him why he was adding girls what was the plan. He tells me he wants to win and we don’t have enough subs to replace the TOP players.. I said ok so will now not play the other “not good kids ” well again he said he wants to win and we need better players!!! Ok this man took this team knowing the chance of us winning was slim… He is now replacing players because they aren’t good and these kids have been there through this process. He says a million times it’s about winning … But do you replace your team midseason because some players aren’t good or do you ride it out and just start thinking about your plan for next yr!!
What a jerk! Obviously he isn’t able to handle not winning, kinda sad for him and mostly for your girls. Hopefully they will still get some playing time. Best of luck, being a parent is never easy!
Thanks for your post! In a school situation, play time absolutely must be earned, and no, it’s not always going to be fair. With team ball sports it can be more arbitrary…. If you want your kid to get “equal playing time”, then join the swim team or track team. Everyone gets a lane there.
At the really young ages (13 and under), I feel that everyone should at least have a chance or two to be rotated in. If you suck after getting your chance, sit it out. If you/your kid wants lots of play time and your kid is not so good, you need to invest the time and money into club volleyball, which is developmental. School ball games are a place to showcase skills. Club ball is a place to learn and improve upon those skills! Now, if your child is not getting game play time in CLUB BALL (and they have a good attitude, work hard and WANT to play) that is a problem.
Thanks for the input from everyone. I am young and just got thrown into coaching a girls soccer team of 5th and 6th graders. There’s no criteria saying girls get a certain amount of playing time, other than they all get some. A lot of the girls are new to soccer and then there is a big gap to girls who have been playing for years. I hate seeing the defeat in the seasoned players’ faces when we lose and then we lose and then we lose, but at the same time some of the girls who are new want to play and I want them to be able to learn by playing in the games. I’m constantly questioning if a parent is going to be upset I’m not playing their daughter enough or that another will be upset that we’re losing and I’m playing the lousy players.
I think, after reading your comments here, that there is some sort of balance to be achieved, especially for players under 13. If we’re up by a lot or down by a lot, it doesn’t really matter if those players who aren’t as competitive play, and if parents get mad that their daughter who hasn’t been to every practice and doesn’t really have the drive to get the ball on field only plays 15 to 20 minutes (the game is an hour), then they are probably over reacting. She did play a decent amount and all the girls will be happy overall if the team wins. Thanks again for your comments to help a coach out. Keep in mind that some younger, newer coaches might be nervous and unsure about how to play kids in the right places and for the right amount of time to balance winning and learning.
Actually, I think you still have it wrong. No one – not the good players and especially not the parents of the good players – should be upset if their team loses all the time. Losing is nothing. Winning is also nothing. If the only way for you to win is to ignore and humiliate some of the lousy players by not letting them play, then your win is meaningless. If everyone plays their best, does it really matter what a bunch of numbers on a scoreboard say at the end of a game?
I disagree. My son, who has adhd, enjoys team sports. He is not very good, due to his disability but he tries hard and shows up at practices, maintains good grades and doesn’t complain when he doesn’t get to play. That said, it is heartbreaking to watch him from the bleachers, waiting to get into the game even for a few minutes. He is only 10 years old! I feel that, at this level, how are kids expected to learn the game if they don’t get playing time? This is when they are supposed to be learning! I’m not saying he should be starting quarterback, but he should be given a chance to learn and develop. He goes to a small school and pretty much everybody knows about his issues. I think sometimes the coaches use his disabilty as a copout. Not everybody on the team is a star. In fact, the team is scoreless so far this season, so it’s not like he can do any worse! So far, he is the only kid who has sat the whole first half of several games. How is that right? I really think that people should think about what this does to kids. Believe me, I am not the type of mom to push her kid into sports. I didn’t even want him to play, he begged me to play! What am I supposed to say? No, you aren’t good so you can’t play? All of his friends are on the team so he doesn’t want to feel left out. I try to steer him to individual sports which he does participate in, but he wants to belong to a team! What is wrong with that?
Thank you for the article. I knew what I was looking for when I stumbled onto your website. I told my little bench warmer to look at this as a great opportunity to keep trying if he really wants to play.
Funny how we adults want everything to be fair for us, but never stand up for children.
Imagine what would happen if an adult joined a team to have fun (which is the resaon children play) and was told he or she would languish on the bench, and that this would “devlop character”.
It would not fly.
But. we take the rediculous poition that children have no right to expect equal playing time.
I am sorry, but your arguemnt has no merit whatsoever.
Children should be allowed equal time. Their childhood dreams should not be modelled on professional sports, as no one is paying them to warm a bench.
I have found the many comments to this blog entry very helpful. My daughter works very hard to excel at her sport and for her to sit on the bench game after game is painful to watch. More than that though, it is awful to see her finally get playing time, play well, gain confidence (finally!) and then be benched for many games in a row to lose her confidence again. She never knows what she has done wrong (or right), even after directly asking the coach. I am her sounding board after games and I do my best to keep from ‘adding fuel to the fire’ with any comments of my own. The only thing that I can say to her is “I know it’s unfair, you have every right to be angry” followed by: “This is a good learning experience for life because no matter how hard you work for something, things don’t always go as you hoped they would. Life is not always fair.”
To back up your initial observation, I too believe that if a player is lacking in talent, their playing time should be limited, but not non-existent. Every athlete deserves to get in there and feel like they’re contributing even if it’s for a short time. They need exposure to the real life experience so that when they do go in for longer, they’re ready. I find it extremely frustrating when a coach says that this game “isn’t important to our standings” but still insists on playing his first string the entire game, this is the perfect environment to get a few of the weaker players in there to gain experience and confidence.
Thanks for your blog!
Jennifer
I didn’t get to read all the comments. But wanted to chime in, just incase there is other humans with another point of view. No trolls here-just my experienced opinion or my take on your get a grip/ easy going life style. After coaching 20 + years, I really am glad that not every kid or every parent is the same. As you claim to be the quintessential parent, tight lipped, non-competitive, & unencumbered from ever a complaint-I applaud you. But there r many other humans out there who r different, or have a different experience or a different kid. As a coach – I still educate my self, almost daily, on how to be a better coach, how to train a player to play the sport, how to train a team to be a team, and how to teach the player (young or adult) how to give & receive respect in and off the field/court. But just like you, not every coach is like me. Some (many) (most) actually have no clue how to coach. They have no idea how to train the age or gender of the child they are coaching, and they never learn anything past what they once knew or they never learn about each player. Often, they never progress enough to educate themselves in their sport or the dynamics of the entire team of players. If a middle school kid made a team & sits the bench all season, with no opportunity to play, due to the coaches whatever reason, you really should complain. Not stay silent. That’s the most ludicrous kind of parent and type of coaching. It’s a shame that you now persecute other parents, when often it’s very likely that the coach is lacking in everything that would allow he/she to have a benchful of starters. Everyone wants to win,- but most don’t care how they achieve it or how they keep it going. At such young ages as middle school and jr high, a good coach would know that even the best kids, the most genetically gifted kids or the most talented kids, are really and truly only a shoe size away from being the kid you think should be benched.
My situation is a little different but frustrating – my daughter is 11 and this was her first year playing. She made her middle school team basically just because they didn’t have the girls (small private school). She loves the game and I got her some private lessons and she improved a little. She’s not great but only been playing for 6 months now.
So, she didn’t play very much at all in school. NO problem – first year and all. So, her coach suggested we try out for travel ball for the 12U (as she is 11). So, we did. Well, she was asked to play up to 13 Blue team. I was like – great! Well, not I’m seriously rethinking it. I’ve paid big money and we start practicing and I see that the other girls are definitely better than her and can all serve overhand, etc. Several of the older girls snicker and exclude her from their line when coach is not looking. Others are very friendly and encouraging. Every night as we drive home, my daughter burst out in tears. So, I meet with her coach the next practice and discuss privately. I ask her if a has been made as instead of this helping my daughter, she is becoming very discouraged. She says she had no idea she was that much younger and she will check, BUT my daughter has GREAT form and potential and that’s why she thinks during the selection, she was asked to play up.
Several weeks have passed as well as a national tournament. Several things have happened – the coach (who I loved) had to step down due to medical reasons. So, we’ve had some change up and still seeing how that’s going. My daughter gets equal play time during the tournaments and that’s not an issue. I see though that she is not necessarily at their level and I cringe for her. The mean girls (2 in particular) are so demeaning and I just don’t want my daughter to loose the love for this game because of this stupid issue. I don’t know what to do – I hurt for her! But I don’t want to be one of “those” parents!