Something I can’t stop thinking about…

So often I see something happen in society and then I can’t get it out of my heart and mind for days and sometimes even weeks at a time.  This is one of those times.  I saw this unfold about 2 weeks ago and I continue to see this scene in my mind at least once a day.  This is what I saw.

 It was 8am on a Thursday morning and I had just dropped Trinity off at school.  Tiara was sitting in the front seat of the car watching her ipad and I knew I needed to get a newspaper.  I don’t subscribe to the paper anymore but someone told me about an article I needed to read. I contemplated which would be the easiest place to grab a paper without having to get Tiara out of the car.  I decided the 7-eleven on Orange Street would be the best place since there was usually plenty of parking in front of the windows so I could run in and pay for the paper quickly while keeping an eye on Tiara at the same time.  As I pulled into the parking spot I started gathering my money.  I was getting myself situated for a quick dash when out of my left eye I noticed a woman pushing a baby stroller towards the store.

As I exited the car I looked to see if she had come out of a car getting gas or was just taking a walk with her toddler early in the morning.  It was 58 degrees which is super cold for Southern California and the toddler was dressed in footie pajamas but no jacket.  I looked back at an empty silver Camry parked next to a pump and decided she must have needed something in the store and didn’t want to leave her child in the car unattended.  That must be her car. I have no idea why I was so captivated by the woman and her child but I could just sense something was amiss about the situation.  As I finally entered the store she was already at the cashier making her purchase which seemed to be taking a long time.  I heard her order a carton of cigarettes and saw the clerk put down a bright yellow carton of cigarettes, I didn’t recognize.  She made a few more comments and then he said “that will be 402.”  “What?”  Was he actually telling her she owed him 402 DOLLARS?  She pulled a wad of cash out of her back pocket and counted out 420 dollars in twenties.  She was totally unfazed by the large amount of money.

While the cashier was counting the money for a second time she dug through an orange jack-o-lantern filled with suckers that was on the counter for customers.  It was the morning after Halloween.  She picked through until she found a purple sucker and then held it out to her son and said ” This is for you, even though you aren’t allowed to eat candy”  She then put the sucker in the cup holder of the stroller.  Her son never spoke or moved when she showed him the candy.  He wasn’t playing with a toy, sucking his thumb or asking for anything in the store.  He was sitting silently in his stroller.  

The cashier then handed back her change and she took the plastic bag which looked like it might have a couple carton of cigarettes in it and pushed the stroller out of the store.

Because this transaction took so long, a line of at least 4 people had formed in the front of the store.  I paid for my paper and hurried back to my warm car.  I sat and watched the woman and her child for a few minutes.  She had pushed the stroller over to pillar by the ice machine and parked it.  She then opened up the yellow carton and took out a single pack of cigarettes.  She quickly unwrapped the pack, took out a cigarette and  walked about 20 feet away from her son.  She lit the cigarette, turned her back away from him and started inhaling as if her life depended upon it.  She continued to stand away from her son with her back turned to him as if she didn’t want him to inhale the second hand smoke.  Every few minutes she would turn back around to make sure he was still sitting in his stroller where she left him.  He never moved, fussed, fidgeted or spoke.  As I continued to watch her she turned sideways and my suspicion was confirmed. She was at least 6 months pregnant. 

So many thoughts have gone through my mind as I think about this pregnant woman smoking and her child.   This was a woman who knew she shouldn’t be smoking in front of her toddler or feeding him candy for breakfast, yet she was spending a small fortune on cigarettes and smoking while pregnant.  I suspect she smoking more than cigarettes during her days. 

I keep wondering at what point did she cross over from being a “mom” to the person smoking outside 7-eleven while her child sat in the cold watching from afar?  Will she find herself back to the place where all the other “moms” exist or was she never there?  How did she end up in this situation?   What will become of her son and unborn child? 

The reality of her life breaks my heart.

 

xoxo tiffani