As most of you know I spend a large portion of my time decorating homes which requires me to do a lot of shopping. I do most of my shopping at Home Goods/ Tj Maxx stores all through Orange County. I’m currently decorating a home in Eastside Costa Mesa so I have been shopping between 3-6 hours a day. While doing all this shopping I see lots of different interactions between parents and their children. Most are good, but some send me into a mental spiral and I have to hold myself back from speaking my mind. First let me clarify, I’m not talking about the children misbehaving. I lived that life and I never judge children who can’t contain themselves. I’m talking about parents that completely ignore their children. It’s heart breaking.
I see it all the time but yesterday, it was really up close and personal and I can’t stop thinking about it, so you get to hear the story. I was in World Market shopping in the bath section looking at all the pretty soaps and towels for a powder room I’m decorating. This adorable little girl, who I’m guessing was about 4 maybe 5 years old was talking up a storm.
“Mom, look at this pretty soap with the flowers! Mom, look at these plants, they look real. I love the purple on this towel, why do you think they only put purple? Mom, I love purple, I wish I could get this towel for my bathroom. Mom, come here and look at this, I love it.” On and on she went talking about every item in the section.
Literally, her Mom never once acknowledged anything she said. She didn’t look up, she didn’t mumble, she didn’t even pretend to care. It was as if the Mother was mute. At this point I was pretending to shop and was really just staring at this interaction between the Mother and Child. I wanted to jump in and start talking to this sweet inquisitive little child. Finally after a solid 5 minutes of the girl incessantly talking and the Mother never once responding the girl said: “Mom, I’m going to hide in these shower curtains!” Finally the Mother looked up and said: “NO, GET OUT OF THERE!”
Of course! Respond to the negative action and never once acknowledge the positive actions. I really wanted to go up and lecture the mother on positive and negative consequences but I wanted more to go up and hug the child and talk to her about all the pretty things that were in that section of the store. I stopped myself from doing either and walked away, but my heart hurt for this little girl. I see this all the time, but the last time I saw something similar, I couldn’t hold my tongue.
A different Mom was shopping at a TJ Maxx and looking at shoes for herself. Her son was holding his hands over his crouch area, jumping up and down saying:
” Mom, I need to go to the bathroom!” She was completely ignoring him, as if he wasn’t speaking and about to wet his pants. Finally after he said it 3 times, she looked up from her shoe shopping and said:” Well, you went to the bathroom before we left, you shouldn’t have to go now,” and she kept shopping. Are you freaking kidding me? I almost lost it! Clearly he needed to use the bathroom and she couldn’t be bothered to stop shopping for shoes.
He continued to jump up and down and said: ” but I do, I have to go now!” I wanted to walk over, slap her in the face, take his hand and walk him to the bathroom, but of course I didn’t. After this interaction continued for several more minutes and I feared there would soon be a puddle on the floor, I finally looked her directly in the eye, made a clearing of my throat and said: “the bathroom is right over there if you need to take your son?” While I pointed to the large sign indicating the restrooms, she glared at me, took his hand and stomped off towards the bathroom. I was so grateful that poor boy wasn’t going to humiliate himself by wetting his pants in the shoe aisle. I didn’t care that she glared at me, I was just grateful she finally took him to the bathroom.
If you are thinking I’m judging people, yes, you are right! I am, but only in defense of children. I know each one of these parent’s may have an excuse for each different situation but sadly I see it so often, I wonder what has happened in our society. Why do parent’s of healthy children think it’s okay to ignore them while they shop? Parent’s of special needs children don’t have that luxury, so I guess that is why I notice it so much. I had to take Tiara shopping with me daily but in order to get it done, I had to have a plan in place. Bring music, bring a snack, bring the wheelchair, know exactly what I needed to buy and move quickly. No time to browse and look around or a tragedy was destined to occur.
So if you have a child that you need to take shopping, please remember what it feels like to be a child. Talk to them, make it fun, teach them as you shop, nurture them and most important ALWAYS SHOW THEM LOVE and RESPECT where ever you are.
XOXO tiffani
I love this! I have a hard time not speaking up when I see a child being obviously ignored. I have said something multiple times when I hear a parent threatened to hurt a child in a store. I know it can be frustrating at times to be the parent of a young child but if everyone had your perspective, maybe they would be less likely to ignore, threaten or hurt their kids.
We both have a hard time keeping our lips sealed when we see injustice or abuse. It’s so sad and frustrating that it is every where. Thanks for always speaking up! xoxo