This post is just another reality life blog story about me getting beat up by Tiara. This event happened Thursday night even though you aren’t reading this until at least Monday.
Thursday night’s Trinity has gymnastics at 6pm for which we leave at 5:45p.m.. I was hoping Lou would be home from work so I wouldn’t have to take Tiara out again but unfortunately he hadn’t made it home yet.
As we all loaded into the car, I almost had a panic attack as I sat in my seat because there was so much popcorn on the floor, I couldn’t see the floor mats. Three days in a row of spilled popcorn from Target and no vacuuming. A hideous sight. I realized that I couldn’t take it any longer so my plan was to drop Trinity off and swing by the self serve car wash on Bristol which is 2 blocks from gymnastics. Lou normally washes my car for me but as you know he was been working constantly so he hasn’t had the time.
Once at the car wash, I picked through the popcorn to collect the crayons on the floor in the front seat area. Whole crayons don’t vacuum up so easily plus I try not to destroy every vacuum I use which isn’t mine, so I am forced to sort through the popcorn before I vacuum. For some reason Tiara had decided to sit in the backseat this drive, which is very unusual for her, but I was really happy because it made cleaning up her normal passenger seat area a breeze. Once I got to the back, I started vacuuming around her feet. She started pulling my hair and I told her to stop repeatedly. She listened off and on but I was able to finish and didn’t think much about it. A little light hair pulling is not a big deal in my world.
And here was my mistake. After I put the vacuum away on the hook, I decided to pick up the loose crayons in the back seat area and place them in one of my Love Reusable bags. I didn’t need to do this, but I was enjoying my car getting clean and was eager to complete the whole interior. As I was doing this she grabbed a big chunk of my hair and started pulling forcefully. All of the sudden I realized I was in big trouble. I started demanding her to let go but she only tightened her grip. My face and chest were buried in her lap being held down by her forceful pulling while the rest of my body was sticking out the backseat door. Probably a very weird sight for the rest of the car wash patrons. I totally started to panic as she refused to loosen her grip and started getting really angry with me.
I don’t always panic but for some reason I got really scared at that moment, which is a bad and dangerous reaction for me because at this point she was operating on animal instinct. In her mind her only options were either fight or flight and she always fights when she senses fear or a threat. Despite my knowing this, I started sobbing and begging for her to let go until I was finally able to reach up and grab a chunk of her hair. We each had hair in our hands but I was offering to let go if she released me. Bargaining power. I some how convinced her to free me and jumped out of the car and ran around the car to front seat.
I just started sobbing and couldn’t control myself. I don’t know why I was crying so hard. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been beaten up since the Valentine’s Fiasco and it felt really bad to be back in that place. I should have controlled my emotions better because I know when I cry it freaks her out, but I was a mess. Suddenly, I know you are wondering how suddenly a 175 pound kid could get in the front seat, but she did. She threw herself onto me and my head was pinned against the door. I was screaming and crying and could see a Hispanic Woman through the side window looking at us but she didn’t do anything. What was she going to do?
Luckily my car was still running so I was able to push the phone button on the console and redial Lou, my last call. I didn’t want to call him because I knew he would freak out but it didn’t seem like I had any other option.
When he picked up the line, I begged him to talk to TT and tell her to get off of me. He instantly knew I was in trouble and started talking her off me and ordered her to return to her seat. She stopped right away and eventually got in her seat and I was able to buckle her up. He called his Mom to pick up Trinity at the end of gymnastics because I knew I couldn’t get back in the car with Tiara after the incident and drive back to get Trinity. I was a total basket case.
In looking back on this scenario I know why I started to panic. When this type of thing happens at home, I can safely wrestle her to the ground and restrain her without hurting either of us too much. In public I can’t put her down and sit on top of her until she stops, especially not at a disgustingly dirty self serve car wash. When your child hurts you up, you can’t just beat them up in self defense. Believe me, if she was a stranger I could have gotten her off of me, but I wasn’t going to bite her in the leg, scratch her eyes out, or punch her in the face to save myself. So there is the conflict. I need to protect myself without abusing her in the process. It’s a difficult predicament to be in.
We finally made it home and by the time Lou got home that night I was an emotional zombie but the good news is that I got a back rub from Louie. Check back with me tomorrow because I am going to update you on the results from Tiara’s sleep study.
Have a great day!
p.s. thanks for voting for me on the Mommy sites, I jumped up a bunch of spots on both sites. 
xoxo tiffani
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Oh man – it figures that all this had to happen while you were at the car wash and couldn’t do much about it there. Glad everyone is ok now 🙂
Yeah, me too Robin!
You poor thing! I hope today is a better one. Bethany gets like that too. I have several friends who tell me not to let her hurt me. My answer back is, “to stop her I’d have to beat her into unconsciousness” Who can hurt their own child, even in self defense? Sometimes you just want a normal life. One where you don’t have to be on hyper alert for all the unknown triggers that send your kid into attack mode!
You so understand Sylvia because you live with it. People have a really hard time understanding what it is like to have your child attack you.
Hoping today is better because we have a long drive to UCLA for a doc appt.
xoxo tiffani
Sounds so tough!!
Quick question? Why do you refer to the woman looking in by her race? Why didn’t you just say, a woman…. what is the context of that identification? I don’t know, it just kind of stood out at me, most people that do that, are usually racist by nature, so they always have the need to identify non-Caucasian people.
I have no idea why I did that? I don’t think of myself as racist, quite the opposite but you have a good point. Hmmm, I will have to think about why I identified her by race. Odd really.
Oh Tiffani….what a tough situation. I am sure the tears and panic cam straight from emotional overload. I have no idea what to say that would really make you feel better about this ordeal but I sure do pray for ya. I have a niece that is a full grown adult and a big girl; I have witnessed some fits with her and her mom and grandmother, a very difficult situation. Don’t let yourself get caught up in feeling judged for your feelings or the situation. You’re a tough lady…stay strong.
Thanks Lynn, the kind words help wonders! xoxo tiffani
Good night Tiffiani. I am so sorry. You are right. it’s hard to believe that such destruction can come out of her all of a sudden. I’m sure she sees you as indestructible. That she can lash out because she knows that you always seem to bounce back. I am so sorry for you. And Tiara. She has no idea how this hurts you I’m sure. You are superhuman girl. Pray that this doesn’t happen again for a very long time.
Oh my God Tiffani … what a story. I can only imagine how scary that must have been for you in public. The crazy thing is that before I “met” you I would have done the same thing the hispanic woman had done … probably nothing.
Now … knowing the danger that you encountered has made me more aware of situations and I would have attempted to help to the best of my ability. You are such an amazing woman Tiffani.
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
http://www.raising-reagan.com
I am glad you feel like you could offer help after “knowing” me. Sometimes just another person walking up to a situation like this helps by changing the dynamics. xoxo tiffani
Oh boy, here I go….
Violence – no matter what the reason – is inexcusable. Tiara’s violence isn’t merely placing you in harm’s way, but also subjecting your family to a house of violence and I wonder if the force of Tiara’s violent outbursts must first result in the cracked skull of a 10 year old (remember the cell phone that became shrapnel in Tiara’s rage-fueled hand?) before this is resolved.
In a post, “I know how I will die,” you wrote, “it is a common occurrence for Tiara to throw things at me while I am driving. She has a history of extreme violence towards me…..while driving home from our walk she took off her UGG boot and threw it at my head. Then she pulled my hair, jerking my head towards the passenger seat.” You say, “I envision myself driving when I am suddenly struck in the head with a flying object, my head hits the steering wheel, my car careens off the road and it crashes into a telephone pole killing us both.”
What you don’t offer, Tiffani, is that your car may not careen into a telephone pole but into a passenger vehicle carrying a family with young children, simply because – a full year following this proclamation – you still allow Tiara in a moving vehicle multiple times a day, completely UNRESTRAINED.
I get that you don’t want to hurt Tiara, even as a means to ending her unwarranted violence towards others. But is there a reason that restraining Tiara is more untenable than keeping others safe?
We’re quick to judge the alcoholic who takes the wheel before ending the lives of others but completely sympathetic of a violent, unrestrained 175 lb. teenager riding in a car whose own mother predicts will cause a fatal crash? And though my comment is sure to receive backlash, I wonder how anyone would feel if their child were killed as a result of this scenario?
I feel such enormous empathy for your situation while also feeling some obvious negative judgment over the aforementioned, which has resulted in a cognitive dissonance of sorts.
Well, the car was parked in this episode but I am not going to pretend that incidents don’t occur while I am driving. What you may not realize is that if I don’t care for Tiara, she would have no where to go. During a meeting with the school district this week, her case worker was present and informed everyone present that there is NO GROUP HOME that would accept Tiara even if I was willing to consider the option. The budget cuts have done away with any homes that could care for her medical and behavioral needs. So that being said, as much as you may hate my situation, I don’t have many options, if any. The company allegedly hiring a caretaker is yet to hire someone acceptable.
I have grown to love your honesty even though many times it is in opposition to my position. I can agree to disagree as you have lived as a sibling to a brother with TSC, so you more than anyone gets it.
Keep commenting and I will keep writing and do my best to keep society at large safe in our presence. xoxo tiffani
Tiffani – Why did you misrepresent my comment? Why did you reply in defense of keeping her home vs. institutionalizing her – something I never wrote?
What I asked, clearly, was why you persist in driving with Tiara UNRESTRAINED, given the catastrophic accident you, yourself, predict will ensue?
This isn’t about Tiara’s ability to stay home. This isn’t about you not getting out of the house (which would drive you stir crazy as well), this is 100% about having a very dangerous situation in your MOVING car (as written in your own post) yet not taking the step to restrain Tiara so you can drive your car without your car careening into another car or a group of pedestrians on a sidewalk?
Why couldn’t you restrain her for the safety of others?
I didn’t mean to misrepresent your comment. I was thinking about the comment you made last year when everyone attacked you as I responded last night. Sorry….. Anyways, I do need to find a way to restrain in the car, you are right!
have you ever tried a seat belt locking device? Here’s some:
http://www.mcincdirect.com/page/buckle-guard
http://www.seatbeltlock.com/ordernow.php
http://www.cg-lock.com/police/
Maybe one of these might help!
Thanks Sylvia that’s what I need!