Why is it that a day doesn’t go by that I don’t hear someone say on TV, the radio, in the market, at school and numerous other places “Oh, he/she is a great kid, they get straight A’s!” Please explain to me how the concept of “being a great kid” equates to receiving great grades.
Yes, I know that some of those students work very hard for those grades which means they are dedicated, hard- working and possibly smart but that is not the case for all the kids who receive such good grades nor should it be the entire focus of every adult in America who has a child.
Why don’t people say when describing children. “Wow she is a really great kid because she is: kind, funny, creative, has great manners, is always considerate, respects authority, isn’t selfish, sticks up for others and is a great role model to her siblings, etc, etc, etc. Every time I hear someone boast about a child’s grades I want to stick my finger in my mouth and make a gagging sound and say “Hey lady, who flipping cares about their grades, what kind of person is your child?” “Do they positively contribute to society at large?” That is the standard I hold my children to but it seems as so many people don’t care about morals and values anymore and I find it very frustrating.
Because I send my child to a private Catholic School most of the parents are on the same page regarding morals and values for which I am very grateful. It is also the main reason I spend money to educate my child when we live in a good school district.
I had a conversation with another mom the other day while waiting for the kids to get out of school. I asked her where she finally decided to send her son to high school and she started telling my why she had chosen their local high school as opposed to requesting a transfer or going private. She started talking about the honors programs and I cut her off and said ” I don’t care about the honors programs I want to know : is the school safe, will your son fit in, how did you feel when you met the other parents and students, is it a match?” She immediately sighed and started saying ” Oh, that’s what I care about too, but most people only care about the academics.” She then went on to describe the school and her commitment to become very involved at the school so she could keep a close eye on the situation and her hopes that her children would fit in and find friends with similar morals and values. Seems like all anyone ever cares about anymore is grades or where their child will go to college. Yes both of these are super important but in the whole scheme of life what is most important?
Maybe I feel this way because Tiara has taught me that being “school smart” isn’t the most important quality in life For example, I think my plumber is a smart guy but I am sure he didn’t get straight A’s all the time, if ever. Yet I can’t keep my household running without his help once in a while. When he shows up, I am always grateful for his skills and he is the kindest, sweetest man, he just warms my heart. I felt the same way about our first gardener, Jose who left us about 5 years ago when he switched careers because of health problems. He used to pray for Tiara and took great pride in making sure my garden always looked it’s best, which brought me such joy.
I guess my whole reason for writing this post is to remind parents that if we always correlate high grades with a child’s self worth we are setting up many kids to feel like failures. Not everyone is meant to achieve straight A’s. Yes, I have a law degree and happen to love learning but not everyone is like me, including all of my children. Everyone is unique and sometimes we forgot to embrace each child’s individuality and appreciate their differences.
There is no recipe for raising our children but as parents we can always encourage our children to strive to do their best and do it with integrity, honesty and compassion for others.
Have a wonderful Thursday!
xoxo tiffani
Well put Tiffany and seriously couldn’t agree more. I taught in a public school setting (middle school) before having my girls and the things I would hear kids who had pretty good grades say was incredible. I would think just once I would like to know that the kid not only has school smarts, but manners, too. So believe me, I am trying my best to teach my kids manners first and foremost. And if they have good grades wonderful, but if not as long as they are happy, kind and considerate, I will also be happy.
Beautifully put, Tiffani.
Well, I didn’t think this was an either/or subject. This feels like asking if I wouldn’t rather have a smart, strong brunette daughter over a flighty, sassy air-head blond daughter who I’d be forced to pray would marry well.
Huh? Why can’t my daughter (who is blond) be smart and strong too?
Hey, if it’s a choice between a child who is a straight A student who is a vile, awful human being or a C student who is kind, generous, morally upstanding, creative, funny – well, it’s no contest really. What parent would wish for the former, unless they were evil themselves.
But you can be all of those positive attributes and a straight A student too, no? Or you could get through school by the skin of your teeth and be an awful human being.
Frankly, I’m going to raise the point that schools across this country with the lowest scores tend to be the most dangerous and violent. The inverse also tends to be true – schools that score at the top in the nation tend to be the least violent and dangerous.
Does that mean that smart people are good and poor students are violent? No. Some of the simplest people I’ve known have the biggest hearts, yet they too have wanted their children to excel in school.
But I guess I don’t see why you couldn’t want your child to do really well in school AND be a good human being. Both will serve them infinitely well in life.
Mikela I agree we would all desire well rounded children who are happy, healthy, and smart. I think the point Tiffani is making here is that the kids who don’t excel in the area of grades are not necessarily referred to as “good” very often. I have an incredibly loving, kind and compassionate daughter who struggles terribly in the area of grades. She isn’t favored by her teachers, she doesn’t make their job easy. She doesn’t make my job easy as a mom. People ask all the time as if it is one sentence, “Is she a good kid, does she get good grades?” No she doesn’t get good grades, but yes she is a good kid, a good kid who learns differently than our limited school system teaches. She is in two “special instruction” classes, those teachers teach differently, they are much more creative in their teaching styles, they teach things four different ways not just one. She does well in those classes. Those of us with kids who struggle in school are always defending our “good kids.”
Thank you for clarifying my point, well put Sharon! You know exactly what I am talking about. xoxo
Love this post! I feel the same way. I just want my daughter to try her best in school and if that means A’s great, if not that’s okay. What is most important is how she treats others. Thanks again for the great post. :o)
well stated and so true, I hope you don’t mind if I share your blog. I;m more concerned that my children are well rounded and kind to others, show respect.
Good morals and values will trump academics any day. Yes, it is important to achieve and be successful but without good strong moral character even a brainiac can become corrupt.
I LOVE this post … I am so on the same page as you when it comes to this. Having good grades does not equate to a good child by any means. Trust me … I knew plenty of people in high school that got good grades but saints they were not!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
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I love this post Tiffani and you wrote it so well. Good kids are all different, not necessarily good students and there is nothing wrong with that.
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Leslie
http://www.violetimperfection.com
right.
all these are for making our kids prepare themselves for future roles in society.
good grades are not everything.
i think parents have to focus on moral values such as unconditional love, kindness, cooperation, honesty and consideration.
And all those things will enable kids to counter bad influence like violence or dishonesty.
i just wantna tell them that they dont have to be a success in school to a success in life.
You are so right and I love your last statement “you don’t have to be a success in school to succeed in life!”