This is what I say to myself over and over again when I think I will not survive another minute of my life. I pray, “Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, please help me to continue on.” I repeated this mantra to myself over and over again many times this weekend as I do most weekends.
The weird thing is that we had an extended family party on Saturday and Tiara was an angel. She sat at my aunt and uncle’s home in the same spot for 2 1/2 hours! We all took turns talking with her and helping her with her food, but it was a huge vacation for me. I really didn’t want to leave because she was so good I knew I was doomed when we got home. Once we got in the car she opened a bottle of water and threw it all over Trinity. Trinity freaked out and the day went from great to a horror film in a matter of minutes.
Once we got home all the abuse, hair pulling, scratching and bowel moments that were absent for 2 hours, returned with a great force. I think I changed 7 diarrhea diapers in 3 hours along with enduring numerous scratches to my hands, chest and arms. By the time Lou got home at 9:30 I could barely see.
Sunday was no different. After church Trinity, Tiara and I went to lunch and then went home. I had a small break when my mother in law came over to visit and then I started in on my prayer again. I took Tiara for a walk around Balboa Island and when we got home Trinity wanted to make the salad from Benihana’s. We researched the dressing recipe and then begged Tabitha to watch Tiara so we could go to the market without dragging Tiara along. The market was like a ghost town, I am assuming most of America was watching some football game to which I know nothing about, but was so happy to shop in an empty market.
After we got home, Trinity and I put all the ingredients for the ginger dressing into the Vita-mix. It tasted almost identical to the one at Benihana’s. She was so excited! I finished the rest of the dinner and Trinity was getting out the plates so I could serve it all up when all of the sudden I heard a big crash followed by “OH MOM, I AM SO SORRY, SORRY SORRY, SORRY.” I looked up to see the entire contents of the Vita- mix splattered across the entire kitchen. I literally froze and begged God to give me strength not to freak out. It was one of the biggest messes I have ever seen. This picture doesn’t do justice to how huge the mess was, it splattered onto every white cabinet in the entire kitchen.
I then heard Tabitha say “It was an accident, it’s OK.”
I then looked at Tabitha and Trinity and both were watching me to see if I was going to go “postal” or just start cleaning it up. I literally took a few deep breaths, and then said ‘It was an accident, it’s OK.” It nearly killed me but I knew it was the right thing to do and say in that moment. I then took a huge sip of my wine, got out a fresh roll of paper towels and started cleaning. I just finished dinner and the rest of the dishes and took this time to write this while Tabitha decided to watch Tiara for me because she felt so bad about the mess. My time is up! I need to start the breathing treatment and medicine. Until tomorrow…..
Hope you had a great weekend and thank goodness it is Monday.
xoxo tiffani
Oh man, I was wanting to cry for you at the end. We had soccer all day yesterday for the first weekend this fall and let’s just say, we definitely had a few less that great moments here, too. But after reading this I feel guilty for getting annoyed yesterday at one point, because I couldn’t even imagine all you went through in one weekend’s time. My heart definitely goes out to you and wish I could reach out and hug you now!! 🙂 xoxo!!
Breathe in……breathe out! You are holding yourself together quite well. It is okay to freak out every once and awhile. Keeps you sane! You are amazing. Stay strong.
This may sound awful but I’d have need an I. V. drip of Chardonnay after that. God does give us supernatural strength for life’s moments. Sounds like you need to be covered in prayer. I pray peace for you and your family. A big hug. So wish you could be my roomie at the Type A parent blogging conference in a couple of weekends.
Tiffany, I am slowly getting this information from you. My heart goes out to you dear old sweet friend. I have no words other then I am thinking about you and lifting up prayers for you plate to be lighter during this tough time.
Hugs and Kisses to the girl who wore her NHHS sweatshirt upside down on her legs 🙂
Thanks the Lord for God and wine. I wish you a better week.
Oh Tiffani, you are a saint!
Lady, I thank god that one aspect of deb is she is not behavioral unless certain things provoke her like babies crying, loud noises and then it’s fear or flight reaction. she is big like Tiara and I can only imagine. She isn’t violent or destructive but I know that could change on a dime. we still have all kinds of issues to deal with though. my heart goes out to you. we really have to have super human strength and patience on this journey. Sometimes not so easy. Hope the rest of your week is super! 🙂
You are a Saint. I think this one might have pushed me over the edge. I may be at Pelican Hill in December. If so, I’d love to take a walk with you and Tiara!! I’ll let you know. Hugs!! Stacie xo
Oh dear, Tiara and Bethany must be on the same wavelength! We’ve be beat up today!
That took some serious strength I can tell. You amaze me more and more every day Tiffani! I hope today is going better for you.
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
Raising-Reagan.com
Some days all you can do is breathe deeply, and then go to bed. Prayers for you and your family, for love and peace and joy ahead. Soldier on good friend…