It’s my birthday and I’m not easy to deal with on this day…

Well today I am fifty-one and my goal is to be nice to my family and not controlling on my birthday. Lofty goals…

You may not know this about me but I’m very difficult about my birthday. When you ask me “what I want,” I say nothing. When you ask me ” can we go out and celebrate” I will usually say no unless you offer to take me to lunch in at a very simple restaurant. When you try to plan a nice dinner for me, as Tabitha is doing tonight, I will most likely make the process difficult. When you do buy me a present I usually don’t like it and ask if I can return it. I’m the worst!!!

This year after a therapy session I decided to change my ways.

A few weeks ago Tabitha sent out a family text inviting me, Lou, Trinity, Grandma Cindy and Bob to her and Chandler’s house for a birthday dinner tonight. I guess it was originally going to be a surprise but she realized the surprise aspect would cause her too much stress so she decided to tell me.

Here is the cute invite she texted to all of us. Once I read the invite I texted her back saying how cute it was. Because she knows me so well her text back to me was: “Are you coming?” Hahaha.

Me: “Yes, I’m coming!”

Tab: “Good!”

Now we get to the part where I start making everything difficult as always. She wrote on the invite we were having Zinc Cafe for dinner. Zinc cafe is a vegetarian restaurant and their roasted cauliflower is my favorite lunch meal. This was my thought process: ” Huh, Zinc is more a lunch place than a dinner party kinda of thing. No one else really likes Zinc but me. What will everyone else eat? I’m not sure I want Zinc for dinner?”

The next morning I called her and said: “Um, I’m not sure about having Zinc for my birthday party.”

Tab: “Here we go, are you already trying to control the party?

Me: “Well, I’m worried because not everyone likes Zinc.”

Tab:” We are having a charcuterie board with salami, prosciutto, and lots of different cheeses.”

Me: ” I hate salami and I don’t eat prosciutto.”

Tab: “It’s for everyone else since they don’t like veggies like you.”

Me: “Okay, but what else are we going to order at Zinc besides cauliflower?”

Big Sigh on her end of the phone….

Tab: “Why don’t you look at the catering menu and tell me what you want me to order. Would that be better?”

Me: “Yes, that would make me feel better.”

I then looked at the menu and realized everything she had chosen was exactly what I would choose.

That afternoon I went to therapy and told my therapist how difficult I am to please on my birthday. While discussing it I realized I’m like this because normally I’m always worrying about taking care of everyone else but when the focus is on me I want everything to be “perfect” because I still struggle with my perfectionism issues.

My therapist suggested I completely change how I deal with my birthday or give Tabitha some other options for the dinner. I thought about how I make every birthday difficult for my family and decided to change.

Why do I care what we eat if my favorite food is there? I should just be happy and appreciative that my family cares so much about me and get over myself. So that’s what I decided to do, almost….

I called Tabitha the next day and said:” I looked over the Zinc menu and everything you picked was perfect and just what I would order. So order whatever you planned.”

SILENCE….

Tab:” Really?”

Me: “Yes, whatever you decided is great.”

I could tell she was confused and not sure how to handle this change in me but she said, “okay great. Thanks Mom.”

So I let that go but because I’m me, I still needed to address the dessert. So many of you know, I’m obsessed with Sprinkles cupcakes. Every year on my birthday I get a dozen and basically ate the whole dozen myself. I have the Sprinkles app on my phone and a few times a week I review what the current and seasonal flavors are. Looking at the cupcakes is almost as good as eating them. Because I’m always staring at them and have indulged a few times this year, I decided I wanted coconut cream pie instead of Sprinkles, which was my favorite birthday dessert as a child. Again, I called Tabitha to discuss the party.

Me: “Hey babe, have you already ordered the cupcakes?”

Tab: “No, are you going to try and control the dessert now?”

Me:” Well, I was thinking I’d like to have coconut cream pie instead.”

Tab: “I’m not making that Mom. I don’t know how to.”

Me:” You can order one from Marie Calendar’s.”

Tab: ” Okay, if that’s what you want.”

Me: “It is. Thanks hun!”

Again my brain starting thinking in overdrive. Hmmmm, where is there a Marie Calendar’s? There is one on Brookhurst. I wonder if she has to order the pie in advance? Maybe I should make one fresh because I’m not sure what they put in their recipe.

Then I google coconut cream pie recipes. And I find a recipe for “the best coconut cream pie” and decide this is what I need for my birthday dinner. I read through the directions and decide I really wanted to make this dessert. Now this isn’t totally odd because I’m known for my desserts but I don’t usually make them for myself, but everyone else.

Another call to Tabitha….

Me: ” Have you already ordered the coconut cream pie?”

Tab: “No, they said they have them made and to just show up and buy it.”

Me: “I remember that from when there was a Marie Calendar’s on 17th street in Costa Mesa. I always thought it was funny they had ten different pies always made and available. I mean now long do you think they sit in the refrigerator?”

Tab: “I don’t know Mom.”

Me: ” Well, I would like to make my own pie if it’s okay with you?

Tab: “Really, you want to make your own dessert?”

Me: “Yes, I think it will be fun and I’m in the mood.”

Tab:” Sure, go for it!”

Me: ” Okay great!”

The recipe says to make the pie at least a day in advance so I head off the the market to get the ingredients. I make the pie and it comes out great. Wow, that was so easy maybe I’ll a second dessert for the rest of the family because they may not like coconut cream pie.

Another call to Tabitha…

“Hey baby, the pie came out great.”

Tab: “How do you know, did you already eat a piece?”

Me: “No, I tried it before I poured it into the crust. I’m thinking of making another dessert, any requests?”

Tab: “Wow, Mom, now you are going to make something else?”

Me: ” I might, not sure yet.”

Tab: ” Whatever you want. What are we doing during the day of your birthday?”

Me: ” You don’t have to worry about me because I’m having lunch with Rorie. I agreed to take out food and to eat at her house.”

Tab: “What about Laura?”

Me: ” I said we could go for a long walk on Thursday and then get Zinc for lunch.”

Tab: “Okay, then you are all set.”

Me: “Yes but, I’ve been wanting to hike in this remote area in Talbert park in West Costa Mesa but I think lots of homeless people might be living over there so I don’t think it’s safe to go by myself. Trinity has agreed to go with me in the morning if you want to come with us?”

Tab: ” So you are going to hike in an unsafe area while the air quality is horrible because of the fires?”

Me: “Exactly!”

Tab: “Well, I’m not sure about that Mom. I haven’t even let my dog outside the past few days because of the smoke and ashes.”

Me: “It’s fine, you don’t need to come. It’s not going to be a long walk because your sister can’t walk that far. We will go on our own.”

Tab: “I’ll let you know in the morning.”

So I did walk five miles with Laura yesterday and I have to say it probably wasn’t a great idea because my chest hurts a little when a take a deep breathe. I didn’t end up making a second dessert but I may still decide to do it before my party tonight. Who knows.

So there is a snapshot into being my child and trying to do something nice for me on my birthday. It’s amazing being my child but also SO DIFFICULT!

Have a wonderful weekend and prayers to everyone dealing with the fires!

xoxo tiffani