I literally hate this phrase more than any other phrase in the English language. In my mind when someone says “they didn’t know” I always think “How could you not know?”
My thoughts then start racing. “Don’t you care enough to know? Don’t you value learning this imp0rtant skill or quality? Are you just lazy and using ignorance as an excuse?” Probably for most situations I am referring to, the last line of reasoning is most accurate. FYI, I am not talking about scholastic subjects but merely common sense tasks like, get the oil changed in your car, pay your bills on time, how to wash a batch of laundry, save money for retirement, how to load the dishwasher, etc.
The reason I am so stuck on this today is because last night while Trinity was cleaning up the dinner dishes she was hand washing a bowl without using the dish rag or a sponge to clean the bowl. She put some soap in the bowl was swishing it around and then dumped out the soapy water. She didn’t bother to re rinse out the soap or make sure all the crap was cleaned out of the bowl, she just put it on the counter. Of course it still had salad dressing in the bottom and Tabitha who made the dinner was sitting there watching her clean it, started yelling at her to do it right. She then said “I don’t know how to clean it.”
What the heck? How could she seriously not know how to hand wash a bowl I wash at least twice a day in front of her. Is this a joke or am I the worst mother in the world because one, I never gave her step by step instructions and or two I have babied my child so much that she hasn’t learned how to properly hand wash a dish at the age of 11? Or option three, I am a decent mother and she is just being lazy? I am not totally sure of the answer but I am guessing it is probably a combination of the three.
The truth is I have never given her step by step instructions but I am thinking by 11 years old this is pretty common knowledge especially in a household in which the mother cooks homemade meals at least 5 nights a week, not including breakfast every morning.
I have always been of the belief that children do what you do, not what you say. As a result, I always try to lead by example and assumed that my kids would follow suit, eventually. Guess I have found a flaw in my belief system, they must be engaged and care enough to learn how to follow suit. This theory has always worked with Tabitha. I never taught her how to set a table with flowers and plates for a dinner party, yet she is a pro at it. My girls call out anyone who lies, is mean to others or downright has poor morals.
Maybe I learn differently that Tabitha and Trinity. I am a true observer of everything around me. I am always looking, learning, assessing situations and seeking information. I hate to walk around life zoned out. I love to learn and analyze but maybe Trinity doesn’t think the same way? I know my hubby doesn’t think like me, so maybe this is an ADHD trait?
My final thought on this topic is parenting is a tricky business. No matter how hard you try you are destined to mess up somehow, there are way too many variables involved. I am sure when Tabitha and Trinity are older they will fill me in on all the mistakes I made. Can’t wait for that day!
Have a great day!
xoxo tiffani
Oh you are a wonderful parent and don’t be so hard on yourself. But you are so right that we make mistakes all the time and believe me I am so not immune from this and make them constantly. The key I suppose is to not continue to make the same mistakes over and over and to learn from them (at least I try!). xoxo 🙂
My child could have easily done that. I would think with them it would be a bit laziness and that they haven’t done it before. I would doubt my children could decently fold a t-shirt but they’ve seen them forever in their drawer. It is frustrating as.a parent. And I know I need to do.a better job making then do daily tasks. At least they are at the sink washing dishes. I don’t know when I’ve had mine do that.
My husband used to do this “I don’t know how” or would do it wrong (ruined an expensive, delicate black blouse I’d worn only once by throwing it in a wash wish white towels, hot water and bleach) and I started to wonder how he had so much common sense and could do so many other things but the domestic stuff he seemed to goof up. I started to wonder if that wasn’t the path of least resistance. If he was ill equipped, I’d wind up taking over so it would get done right and he could trot off and do something else – and never be relied on to do that chore again. Hmm…….
I think you are right on Mikela!
Such is the life with kids I guess … I’m sure I’ll have to deal with this with Reagan. She does this now about cleaning her room up and she knows how to do it!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
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Hmmm– I’m not sure– I can see an 11-year-old who is just learning to do the dishes not being sure how to do it …and/or not putting her full attention into caring exactly how to execute the proper wash & rinse! …(and especially if she has ADHD.) There are also sensory processing issues with hands in the water and soap–my oldest daughter still hates to fully touch the sponge and get her hands slimy (she is very sensory sensitive) and though she is willing–she hates to wash the dishes because of it. It drives me crazy, but if I step back and really look at it, I have to admit that I don’t see it as laziness-she is avoiding a task that is uncomfortable for her. Still- she takes her turn doing the dishes…though not often enough probably–sometimes I’d rather just do it myself because it’s easier! I think you’re right about everyone learning/processing differently. It’s so frustrating sometimes and hard to be patient!!