Lou and I were on a bike ride to the beach the other day when he asked me how far I was along in writing my book.
Well, “I was at 230 pages when I was typing it in Word but I just started typing it in Google Docs. I copied it over to Google Docs because when I get a editor they can make changes directly next to the document and it is safer saving it in the cloud, than on my desktop. Now I only have 178 pages, so I am going by the word count.” I explain.
“How many words have you written?” He asked.
” Last time I looked, I was at 88,786, or something close to that.” I said.
“What does that mean” he asked.
” I don’t know.”
“Well shouldn’t you look it up and see how many words you should have?” he asked.
At this point I’m starting to get annoyed, which is typical for me. I ask him to talk to me more about issues which are of value and then when he does, I act like he is an idiot or he is bugging the crap out of me. Awww, being married to me isn’t an easy job.
Anyways, I tell him: ” You know what, I’m not sure how many words I need but I’m not close to being done, so I know I will have enough words. I’m focused on finishing, not all the other details. Once I finish the first draft, then I’ll worry about everything else!”
I usually start writing after I walk or go to an exercise class but today, I started writing before 9am. I wasn’t quite ready to dive in so I decided to google how many words you need to publish a book. To my surprise the suggestions were between 70,000-90,000 and no more! Anything over 90,000 is considered too long, especially for unpublished authors. Holy crap, it looks like I need to make some adjustments. I am currently at 89,283 after 6 hours of writing today, but the good news is that I am through the most important parts of her life. Tomorrow I think I’ll go back and start more editing and see how much I can cut down, so I have a bit more room to add at the end. Anyways, I’m pretty excited that I’m so close to completing the first draft.
As for for not drinking, it has officially been a month since I haven’t had any alcohol and weirdly enough, I’m loving it! I have found myself crying quite a bit while writing the book and I feel like I’m really grieving Tiara more than I have in the past. I think not drinking, has allowed me to feel my feelings more intensely. If you are a close friend of mine, you know it is actually odd how little I have cried about Tiara passing away. I am finally allowing myself to grieve and it feels good. I have also been exercising more and find myself jumping on my bike around 6pm and riding all the way to the beach to look at the waves.
I love the beach before sunset and feel so much peace wading through the water while watching the sun slowly descend towards the ocean. The only problem is that on 2 occasions I stayed at the beach too long and found myself riding home along the river jetty in the dark, which really isn’t safe. I do have lights on my bike but there are a few suspect characters lingering on the banks of the river jetty. My friend’s husband told me it wasn’t safe to ride along the river jetty even in the middle of the day. Well that is going too far, I’m fine during the day. I went home and told Lou what Adam said about riding along the river jetty, especially at night. Lou said: ” Well of course it’s dangerous, but if I told you so, it wouldn’t really matter. You do what you want, whether I agree with it or not!”
I love that! ” You are right babe, I do what I want. Thanks for not telling me, it would have made me mad anyways.”
” I know that,” he said.
So in conclusion, I will tell you the one thing he said that made me so freakin mad, I wanted to smash him in the face, but I listened to him. As you know, I’m turning 50 on September 11. I have been trying to figure out what I want to do for my birthday because my BF, keeps asking me what I want to do? I finally thought of the perfect thing: SKYDIVING! I told her on the phone and she got all excited. I then asked if she wanted to come with me? She said: ” I would love to, but Adam probably won’t let me, its too dangerous!” “You are right, he will never go for it. I’ll just go on my own.”
I don’t tell Lou right away because I know he won’t like the idea, but I don’t really think he will freak out. Well, I may be lying to you. I did think he would hate the idea, but I didn’t realize how much he would hate it. While riding our bikes to the fair one night I say:
” I figured out what I want to do for my birthday.”
He excitedly says: “What?”
“Hmmm, I want to go skydiving.” He doesn’t respond right away and is a bit silent. Total salesman technique. He is waiting for me to say something else before he responds.
He then says: “Well, if I have any say in the matter, I don’t want you to go. It’s too dangerous. Plus, if you ever want to get more life insurance they ask you if you have ever jumped out of a plane. I just had that question when I added that new policy at work.”
I say: ” Well, you don’t have any say in the matter. It’s perfectly safe and I would be going tandem, so I would be jumping with a professional.”
This is where he goes ballistic, in a very calm manner, if person can be calm and ballistic at the same time? “If you insist on going, I will be taking more life insurance out on you right away.” He then goes on to say: ” As for going tandem, that’s even worse! Some strange dude is going to be strapped to your back, like he is f****** you from behind! The last image I’ll have of you in my mind will be of you getting it in the a** by another guy.” ”
“You are such a freak” I yell at him. “We will both be wearing tons of gear and it doesn’t look like that, anyways!” He keeps saying it over and over again and it is disgusting. He really never uses such foul imagery with me, because I don’t like it and I’m so not happy right now.
I think about it the rest of the way to the fair, without saying anything else to him. I’m so bummed because I know I can’t go. He is too upset and it’s not fair to him. I don’t tell him until the next day, that I won’t go because I want him to sweat it out. Once I tell him, he is super grateful because he can stop trying to figure out ways of talking me out of it.
I tell Trinity the story and she says: “Mom, you are your own woman! You can do what you want.” I respond: ” I know babe, but sometimes you have to sacrifice what you want if it is going to hurt someone else.” She understood and I think it was a good lesson. Now I just need to find something else fun today. Feel free to send me any suggestions.
xoxo tiffani
Let’s stay at a resort and have a couple of relaxing spa days!