So, many of you know I pretty much function in a constant state of sleep deprivation. The funny thing is I forgot how amazing it feels to actually get sleep and wake up feeling rested. It is like a whole new world. I have been telling Lou for over a month, ” I am going to crash soon and have to sleep for 24 hours, if I can’t get some more sleep soon, I am starting to freak out!” He always responds the same, “fine, honey, sleep…..” If only it was that easy.
I know lots of people suffer from insomnia for a variety of reasons and it is really awful. You may think I mostly don’t sleep because Tiara wakes me up, but that is not the whole story. Yes, there are many a nights she is literally a wake for hours on end and I think I am going to die from exhaustion but there are also lots of nights she sleeps and sleeps and I am awake for no reason. Sometimes Lou’s snoring wakes me up, sometimes Tiara has a seizure and I have to get her on her side, so that wakes me up. And sometimes the dog wants to get in or out of my room so that wakes me up. But now that I am awake, I can’t go back to sleep. Sometimes I actually dream I have something I need to do and I get up. I will find myself wandering in the kitchen and the house trying to remember what I need to do and then I tell myself , “go to sleep, Tiffani, it is the middle of the night and nothing needs to get done.” Years ago when I was designing custom decorations for the holidays I would wake up at 2am with an idea and not be able to sleep. So I would get up and go in the garage and make a couple of wreaths or floral arrangements until 5am and then go back to bed for an hour. Boy, I looked so exhausted that year, it was a joke.
Sometimes I don’t sleep because, it is hormonal, sometimes it is allergies and sometimes it is because I am paranoid about Tiara because she is sick and I just sit staring at her. My other problem is that I am such a light sleeper that if anyone does anything including the dog, I am up checking it out. It is like I am this night stalker, roaming the house, when I should just relax and go to sleep. You are probably thinking, why the heck doesn’t she just take a pill? Well, I am terrified that if I actually fell into a really deep sleep, an emergency would occur with Tiara and I wouldn’t wake it. If Lou has drank wine before bed, the fire alarm wouldn’t wake him up, so I have to be on duty at all times.
So I am pleased to announce that I have slept for 3 nights in a row and only woke up once or twice each night. That is a flipping miracle for me and I have so much energy today and I am not sure what to do with it. So now I feel fabulous and my face doesn’t look as wrinkly but Tiara still wants to sit in the house all day long. So frustrating.
I guess God has decided it is best for me to be sleep deprived because that way I don’t feel frustrated and bored. I can write my blog, clean, cook and do laundry exhausted but today I have had a hard time sitting still at the computer and staying focused. Today I feel like going shopping, for a bike ride, getting my mother’s day gifts bought, and painting the rest of the fence Lou didn’t finish, but I can’t do any of those things because TT doesn’t want to leave the house. So I am irritated and getting anxious with all my extra energy. I bet that is what it feels like to ADHD? You want to go, go, go and everyone wants you to sit, focus and think . Boring. And so I guess it is a blessing I am tired everyday. Life is funny …..
Happy Thursday
Sleeping is over-rated anyway!!!!! ❤ ya
I so wish it was…..