Does Karma really exist and if so what does that say about my life? Have you ever read one of my posts and wondered “What did Tiffani do in the past to deserve all this crap? Does she have bad karma or what?” I know you have thought this at least once, I know I have. I don’t usually dwell on my life and how difficult it can be, but this week I have been thinking to myself “Do I have bad Karma or what? Was I a bad person at some point in my life? Why is everything so hard? Is there some point to this?”
I have pondered this question relentlessly and the only thing I can come up with is that I was a tease before I met Lou. I mean isn’t that standard behavior for any teenage girl? I was in the habit of leading on numerous boys with no intentions of ever dating them or doing anything with them. I just liked them to like me, is that so wrong? That’s all I can come up with! Clearly that can’t be the reason for my present life, or can it?
Lou laughed his head off when I read him this post. “Yes darling, you and your flirting are to blame for our present life.”
I really believe that if you do good, you will receive good back but sometimes I have to wonder whether this is entirely true. Even if karma doesn’t exist, God does exist in my world. I don’t go around saying “God Bless you” to everyone I meet or pray on every decision I have to make throughout the day but I believe he watches out for me and my family. I also know that someday I will need to answer to him when I want entry into heaven so I try and live my life as if it was my last day on earth.
That doesn’t mean I am wild and have lots of fun or try new things like jumping out of planes. Just the opposite. I do things for others, mostly my family and hope that is what God wants from me. I try to live by the commandments and see the best in people. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have the thought ” if I died today, how would I be remembered?” My goal is that family and friends would remember me as a kind, thoughtful, loving, giving and a dedicated mother, daughter, sister, and wife.
I am far from perfect. I swear, yell, scream, am overly dramatic and super opinionated but I am always trying to do the “right thing.” Whatever that may be.
So today, I spent the whole day working on this thing with Aetna. I didn’t feel well, Tiara seemed to have less energy than yesterday and I was worried she was relapsing.
Fortunately a few angels from the past appeared via Facebook and email and offered to help me in my fight against Aetna. One person in particular really put forth some effort and I think his help really may make a difference. I contacted the Los Angeles Times, but haven’t heard back from them and am ready to keep fighting even though I feel drained and tired. I won’t give up!
xoxo tiffani
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Don’t give up!
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Leslie
http://www.violetimperfection.com
You do not have bad Karma ~ don’t ever think that! Instead think that all this shit you are going through right now WILL be payed back to you ten fold.
Hopefully sooner than later.
Lanaya
http://www.raising-reagan.com
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xoxo
Lanaya
http://www.raising-reagan.com
If there is ONE thing we can receive and give on this earth, of any value, it is GRACE. Live and breath grace, daily, because it is your life source and the essence of LOVE. You could spend your entire life trying to figure things out and wonder if your karma is good, and still fall short. Remember the times when something fantastic happened and you didn’t do anything to cause it? Good and bad will happen and honestly, I think we will annihilate ourselves if we dwell upon it. No one can figure it out, ever. Be in grace. Give grace and do what you can. Hells no, you did not create bad karma as a youth! We live in a broken messed up world and we just do the best we can.
Oh Tiffani. I know there are days like today when you question everything–try to make sense of it all–believe me, I have those days too. But I have so much respect for you and contrary to what you said, I just think you must be such a strong, beautiful person for God to entrust Tiara to you. Not everyone could do what you’re doing. I’m a huge fan of you! You inspire me. Thanks for sharing your journey with such honesty.
When you feel like this look at the beautiful picture you took of Tiara on this post. When I was reading your post so focused on what you were saying then saw the picture of Tiara it just brought me peace. How sweet she is!!! Stay strong you are an amazing Mother!!! XXXOOO
Because I’m very science based, I don’t believe in the supernatural (so that rules out kharma, gods of any kind and religion).
Even for someone who does believe in the aforementioned, I’d merely ask what hundreds of millions of innocent children ever did to deserve the abysmal lives they were born into, suffering extreme hunger, illness, and torture so heinous that death was actually the most merciful part of their “live.” Never mind what you’ve done. What has Tiara done to be born with a rare genetic disorder that would cause her such pain and difficulty? What have your other daughters done to merit a life of persistent physical injury and outbursts from their sister? What have you or your husband done that either of you should spend fourteen years riddled with anxiety and heartache caring for a child with such a severe cognitive disability. Or that as a direct result of this, your financial future, your home, your stability is all so at risk?
Yet I don’t think absolutely everything is random either. It stands to reason that if you’re dealing crack cocaine, you’re probably going to be associating with some really unsavory people so when you’re found with a bullet in your brain, I don’t call it kharma, I call it predictable. And when you’re rewarded with a financially rewarding life after living on Ramen noodles through a decade of college and medical school, it’s not kharma that’s responsible. It’s a pretty reliable recipe for the outcome.
So unless you can, somehow, connect the dots between teasing men earlier in life to having a child with a severe disability that needs a constant stream of medications to keep her alive, I don’t see how kharma has anything to do with it – for any of you.
You did zero wrong. This is life. Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you.
Yikes, I’m challenged with gentle delivery and am usually too damned direct. So please bear that in mind with my former comment. No offense was intended and I apologize if it was harsh.
Mikela– well said! Tiffani, hang in there! I agree with Mikela, it’s not karma, it’s just life. I’m sure there is plenty of good ahead for you and your family. Thanks for your honesty and inspiration on this wonderful blog.
No Worries Mikela, I have grown used to your brutal honesty and love that you keep coming back to offer opinions that aren’t always popular…
xoxo tiffani
Ahhhhh Tiffani and Friends,
What a great discussion and such a good question. I admire you Tiffany so much for having the courage to say, “Why me?” in front of all of us. And I have A LOT to say on this topic…..(will try to be brief!)
NO you do not have bad karma- mainly because (in my opinion) there is only “karma”. It isn’t good, and it isn’t bad. Its a term that is ancient. The word karma isn’t supernatural, or religious. It actually IS scientific in the sense that it is energy and occurances, and we can just call it that…..deciding what to call it is just an issue of semantics. Quantum physics is starting to scientifically prove (for those that need concrete proof) that there is much that we cannot see, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
Step back from this lifetime for a minute, and try this idea on…
Our soul’s journey is to grow as close to our creator (whatever you want to call that) as we possibly can. Our souls come here to this life to learn. One way to get us to learn, is hardship. No, it isn’t right for innocent little babies to be hurt or abused, but if you can look beyond the physical to the soul and how we are all souls that come from one source, you will see how one person’s pain- even the sudden death of an infant for example- changes the lives of everyone connected to that life. Some would say they cannot see anything good in that loss, but if you are truly objective and allow yourself to be open to the possibility that good can come SOMEWHERE from even the worst events, then you will see why these things might happen.
Some people believe we choose our lessons prior to coming into the world- and we choose the challenges based on our soul’s evolving to be closer to the perfect likeness of whatever created us (I call it God). Jesus came to show us the way…..
I have known you for a long time (sort of). And without using your name, I have shared your story with my close friends as an example of watching a soul blossom in this lifetime. Maybe I’m lucky to be able to see this, but I know I’m not the only one. My few years attending school in Newport Beach were difficult, because who you were was based on what you had- your designer brand clothes, where you lived and the car you drove. My dad made 100k a year at that time, which wasn’t bad, but we still we still felt like “have-nots” compared to many of our weatthy friends. I know you know what I’m talking about.
Whatever has transpired in your life over the last 30 years has moved your soul so far from that. When you talk about how different you are in certain ways from your mom, or how important it is to feel good (as opposed to look good), you can see love and grace. Did you deserve to have 3 healthy daughters- hell yes you did. But the fact that one has the severe medical condition has made you into an even more soulful, loving, and compassionate person right? Has it brought you closer in your faith? (even though there may have been times you are mad at God- I know I have had those).
And your family and friends, even if one soul has grown (but I’m sure there are many), can you see love and grace blossoming there?
After being together 24 years, my husband and I divorced in 2008. My daughter has type I diabetes (it’s nowhere in our family and we are slim and fit and healthy- total shocker). My dear friends and I have supported eachother through tragedy- and you probably know what happened to my sister’s husband?
There is almost NOONE that escapes significant sadness and loss in this lifetime.
Like another one of your friends said, life has it’s good and bad with no rhyme or reason at all. Its the being with it, compassionately loving eachother through it that is the grace your other follower was talking about.
If its true that we choose our own lessons prior to coming here, then you are the SUPER SOUL OF ALL SOULS. With intense courage and strength, and even with joy, you have continued living your life despite loss and constant life-threatening challenges.
For me, you have done somthing life-altering. When I feel my most sad, depressed or whatever….and I KNOW I have a choice of whether to move forward with strength and resolve or shrink into a dark corner, I remember what your journey has taught me. That (and now I’m starting to cry!) no matter what, a person can triumph over grief and loss, and actually be happy. I have thanked you before, and I will thank you again. THANK YOU!! Try to remember all the beauty and love that you AND Tiara bring into this world. Because you DO. If there is good/bad karma, you are MY good Karma, even if your challenges seem more than you can bare, your life is beautiful and rich in so many ways.
xoxo
Marcy
Marcy,
Your comment really surprised me. First I had no idea you were divorced and I am sorry, divorce is always hard for everyone even if it is necessary. Second, I am not surprised by your daughter’s diabetes, but have a better understanding as to why you relate so well to my life. Also, I don’t know what happened to Andrea’s husband, but apparently it was something bad, and I am pretty sure I can figure it out. Life can be so hard.
But mostly I was intrigued by your knowledge of Karma and the fact that I help you when life feels hard. It seems odd to me that my life is that inspiring, but as I read your comment I felt happy and grateful that I have helped you. It makes me feel like exposing my soul to the world is worth it, ten fold.
Thank you for letting me be your good karma….
xoxo tiffani
Dear Tiff….
Thanks for that thoughtful reply to the tender losses I have endured. I don’t mention my divorce because I want to be defined by that very pure love that brought about my beautiful kids- not the sadness and loss of it….you know what I mean.? And Carolina’s diabetes isn’t life-threatening (at least in her case she is strong and healthy), so I felt sheepish sharing it. But the worry of waking up every morning and hoping she isn’t in a diabetic coma or dead has just recently subsided….it’s been 8 years and she is healthy. But when she chooses to have a baby someday, or other physical feats that might be challenging occur. And I will cross that bridge when I get there.. Thanks for listening…xoxo
Marcy
I think just the opposite. I think you are filled with God because only through Him could you keep giving and giving with such a supernatural love. (even cursing Aetna, who deserved to be cursed.) I hope you know that. I hope you feel that supernatural strength and love. Because EVERYONE sees it in you.
Tiffani, I can admit I have wondered that at times of hardship and times of feeling like the world is against me. The only thing that I have found to get me through those times is not to think about the bad things. I am a dweller and over analyzer, so if I think about the problem I get stuck in a rut and unable to pull myself out and just stay on that wishing wagon. I believe in Karma but I also believe in God. The only thing that I could possibly say about this is ” You are never given more than you can handle”. There is a lesson that God is wanting you to take away from this. It will make you stronger in the end. I will keep you in my prayers Tiffani. It can only go down so far and then it has to go back up. I wanted to thank you for liking my facebook page and I wanted to come by and follow your blog. http://onecreativeprocrastinatinggal.blogspot.com/
I don’t believe in karma. I believe in a loving God. I feel that horrible situations like this are not caused by God, but they are caused because this world is fallen. It’s nothing you did. It’s just a bad situation that you don’t deserve. God can use horrible things like this to teach you and to show his glory. I pray that you have peace and comfort knowing that God is with you while you go through this…
I definitely believe in Karma… and have seen it first hand. That said, I do not believe TT is a result of any “karmatic event.” Being the mom of a special needs child myself, I have been asked many times what I did to deserve ending up in this situation. I get it, and I might have thought this prior to becoming a mom, but the truth is – I have been given a gift far greater than I could have ever imagined!! That would be the gift of truly appreciating life, the little things that really are the biggest. I see what so many stress over – esp in NPB – and think, “I am the one who is fortunate!” BTW – congrats on getting the meds approved, I knew you would ( Funny how you get thrust into the role of uber-advocate isn’t it?) 🙂
Yes, I know I am lucky to have the special needs child, because like you said, I am always focused on what is truly important in life. That is a gift. As for being uber-advocate, love that my blog can help in ways bigger than I imagined!
I have often wondered the same thing about my life. When I read your blog I could easily put myself in your shoes in a lot of the truths. I wonder what I did so bad in my life that has warranted this hell hole of a life. When the doctors told me my child had a chronic illness that was the day I died. My child just turned 11 and her older siblings are grown. I am over ten years divorced and have to endure this alone with no support. I keep hoping every day the end of the world will be soon.
I’m so sorry Dee! Life can be so hard and unfair at times, but we have to keep charging ahead for our children. Love to you and your children. xoxo