I have been really thinking about my marriage recently because, oddly after 21 years, it seems to get better every year even though our lives are only getting tougher.
I have really been analyzing how this is possible, especially since this past month we have had to make some hard decisions regarding our home and finances.
How could we be talking so calmly about these issues without yelling, tears or blame? I guess because we have both learned through the years that we would rather be together than a part. If we yell, cry, or blame one another for what coulda, woulda, shoulda happened, no one wins and we are both miserable.
As most people know financial stresses are the biggest cause of divorce and I can totally see why. What I don’t understand is why people think it will be easier on their own as opposed to working it out together?
To be honest there is days I wake up and for no reason, the sight of my husband, just bugs me. I have no idea why this is, maybe hormones, but it happens. On these days he can read my mood and knows to adjust his amorous ways towards me or I might scream of frustration. Yes, I love to scream but usually never in real anger, just to be dramatic. Either way the day will pass and I will adore him the next day.
Other days I look at him while I am talking and I know my talking is driving him insane. He has a glazed over look as if he would rather be doing anything than listen to me talk on and on and on. Instead of getting mad at him like I did when we were first married, I just stop talking and find someone else to listen or stop talking.
Even “perfect” couples have ups and downs. As I tell my girls all the time, ” A good marriage is a lot of work! You have to work at marriage to stay happy with one another, it just doesn’t happen on its own.”
And now the money issue. When I am worried about money, I have learned to let it go. This may sound impossible and it has taken me 21 years to finally reach this point in my life. I have finally realized as much as I worry about the bills my husband worries more. How is it possible not worry? I don’t know, but it has suddenly happened, especially over the past month.
To be honest, it has only been in the last year that I have learned this lesson. It has been a very hard lesson but last Thursday I had this weird calming moment which put my whole financial life in perspective.
I was standing in the kitchen fretting over something when I felt different. It was as if my “fake it to you make it” philosophy had kicked in and I had actually made it to the point where I believed that everything would be ok, in regards to our financial status. No, I don’t think we will win the lottery or find a way to suddenly pay off all our debts but some how we will be fine.
I realized that I have cut back on every possible expense for the past 6 years. We have tried to refinance our home, we have tried a loan modification and now we have tried to sell it. Nothing has worked so far but we have done everything in our power to do the right thing. What more can anyone do, than always try do the right thing morally? Nothing in my mind, so I have suddenly been gifted a break from worry.
Feels weird but I am going with it. And the best part of it all, I am less anxious, so Lou is less stressed which enables him to be more focused on solving our financial issues. Win/win!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!
xoxo tiffani
You are so right. although, we haven’t been married as long, your marriage sounds similar to ours in that we know how to give and take. My husband knows when I am hormonal or moody, it is just that and I still love him. And I know when he is stressed, that it is just that and that too shall pass. So happy to hear that you are stressing a bit less though and hear is definitely to a great holiday weekend!! 🙂
Love this post! Happy to hear how strong your marriage is. What a gift to your children 🙂 And love that picture of you two!
Hope ya’ll are having a great weekend. We are all getting on each others nerves around here sharing 700 square while our home is getting worked on. I’m having a hard time focusing on the littlest things and the littlest things are making me crazy. But you are right. Just focus on the good and things seem to get better (or worse) by the next day. But nothing stays the same.