As I have mentioned before, Tiara is known to whip off her top if she is in the dress section of a store and see’s something fabulous she must try on immediately. Well, the problem of taking off her clothes has escalated and is now officially considered ” a behavior” that needs to be stopped and fast. In working with numerous behaviorists over the years I have learned the appropriate approach to dealing with these behaviors. Things like isolating the behavior, looking at the antecedent to the behavior, the response the behavior elicits and what Tiara gains by engaging in the behavior.
Personally I have never enjoyed working with any behaviorists and I hate having to use positive reinforcement, and following the steps above but it is the only thing that works with Tiara, so I am forced to use this method. Ugh. I would rather glare my kids down, or yell and scream, but sadly that won’t work with TT, it only makes her act worse. Bummer.
So what I realized is that Tiara takes off her shirt for attention, what a news flash Tiffani. Clearly I don’t need a law degree, a mom degree or a degree in anything to figure this one out. When we all look at her and say “put on your shirt” and make a big fuss over her being half naked she is happy and the behavior is a success.
Recently we haven’t given her enough attention when she takes off her shirt so she has moved to stripping down totally naked. Let’s just say Tabitha and Trinity go instantly insane and freak out. They start yelling at her how gross she is, Trinity runs to close the curtains, Tabitha tries to wrestle clothes back on her and basically all the attention moves to Tiara for at least 10 minutes. Again she wins with the bad behavior.
Sometimes I am a little slow or truth be told, maybe I was enjoying being in denial about this outrageous behavior. Unfortunately, it has gotten so out of hand, I had to come up with a plan and quick. Now remember once you work on a behavior it gets worse before it gets better, gotta love that part.
Friday I told everyone except Tiara of the new plan.
“If Tiara takes off any of her clothes in the house we are not going to yell, scream, laugh, or act surprised. We are going to totally ignore her. Once she starts to put her clothes back on, we over praise her and tell her how amazing she is.”
The plan started with a bang on Saturday morning. Tiara had already taken her meds and eaten breakfast. Trinity was at art and Tabitha just woke up. She walked into the kitchen as was talking to me about the night before when Tiara decided she needed more attention. She took off her shirt and when we ignored her she took off her diaper and pants. We continued to ignore her and kept talking as if everything was normal. Since she wasn’t get her normal response she decided she needed to do more. At this point she started following right behind Tabitha while completely invading her personal space. Tabitha kept trying to get away but Tiara would not give up. Finally Tabitha got to her room and closed the door. Tiara continued to walk around the house naked trying to get someone’s attention but it wasn’t working. Finally after 20 minutes she walked up to me with a diaper in her hand and said. “diaper, help?”
I responded with my happiest, fakest, most positive reinforcement voice, “Good Job getting dressed Tiara, let me help you. Good Job, thank you!”
So we haven’t really left the house much since Friday and the commencement of our behavior modification program because I knew that ignoring the nudity in public wasn’t an option so we have been housebound most of the weekend. Thank goodness it rained most of the weekend.
The good news is that I think the behavior is finally getting better. Yes, we had to eat Sunday night dinner with her butt naked but today we only had one episode so I am praying the worst of it is over and we may be able to resume our normal outing schedule soon.
Have a great Tuesday!
xoxo tiffani
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Tiara is full of surprises! I hope this behavior goes away fast. Keep us updated. Have a fabulous week! Stacie xo
are you living my life? lol I too have a 23 year old mentally challenged. autistic daughter with Tuberous Sclerosis that likes to pull off clothes for attention.We do the same ignoring thing but she delights in it. It’s like a game to her and sometimes we have to be crafty to think of ways to keep her dressed. deb is overweigh but we did find adult sized onesies at amazon.com. Like the old snap between the leg body suits. deb is more severely affected than your daughter i think so this has saved us a few embarrasing moments. Just wanted to share. Thanks, Lisa
Wow, that is a great idea but I doubt I could wrestle Tiara into a body suit. I may be able to get her to like a leotard? Thanks for the idea!
xoxo tiffani
Tiffi,
this goes over her head is short sleeved and snaps at the crotch:) we use it mostly when company is comming over or outings. is very loose fitting.:)
Oh my gosh, Tiffani! Geez–What a challenge! I sure hope you’ll get through this one soon. The whole dealing-with-behaviors thing is fascinating. I feel like I learned something important here! Once again, I’m inspired by your sharing and I’m laughing so hard at your descriptions. I just love your sense of humor about it all. xoxo
Thanks Happy! Glad my crazy life and sharing it, is helping people learn new stuff, plus I love to make people laugh. Without laughter the world would be a horrible place.
xoxo tiffani
Oh wow … this is such a challenge. I am glad that you all are finding a way to cope with it and make the situation better.
I hope that Tiara realizes that she gets more out of staying dressed than being in the buff.
xoxo
Lanaya
http://www.raising-reagan.com
Behaviorists are brilliant individuals. Mostly because they’ve found a niche for a lucrative business involving techniques that feel better but don’t actually solve anything.
Shouldn’t negative behaviors receive negative consequences and positive behaviors receive positive consequences? Ignoring someone isn’t a negative consequence; it’s no consequence.
I’d ask Dr. Brilliant what then precludes Tiara from going topless during Easter dinner at the beautiful cliffside restaurant when her negative behavior isn’t for effect but merely because she’s simply in the mood to be nude. And I’d give Tiara a whole lot more credit here. Pretty quickly she’s going to figure out that the stripping still works in public, every single time. In fact, that realization may incent her to do so far more frequently while in public for attention, given its inefficacy at home. And, of course, if stripping at home doesn’t work, she’ll come up with more creative (read: destructive, violent, aggressive) behaviors that’ll do just fine.
HOWEVER, I’m a big fan of doing what works and if this proves successful, Bravo!
Ohhhh Mikela, you know it doesn’t work like it should, but it works better than negative consequences, which I way more prefer. I personally would love to scream, yell, shut her in her room and take everything away but I would probably end up in the hospital. So I do what I am told should work and try my best. xoxo tiffani
p.s. Tiara won’t be invited to any fancy cliffside restaurant as long as I am alive.
Oh I hear ya; I know. Playing cards were my brother’s Achilles Heel. And my parents (at their wits’ end) decided to use their trump card (pun intended) to stop him from emptying out his dresser drawers every night by taking them away. It’s the only time my brother – a strong, tall teenager at the time, attempted a violent behavior by tackling my father and really caught him off guard. I say “only time” because my dad (a sweet, gentle giant who’s also very old school) snapped and nearly put him through the wall, holding him in place and screaming, veins bulging. As the story goes, there was terror in my brother’s eyes and the kid realized violence would be met with violence. He continued to dump out the drawers (much less frequently) and the cards would be taken away each time. I think it went on for months but it did stop eventually. He’s in his 40’s now and a pretty well behaved citizen.
It’s a slow process no matter how you do it, I know. Hang in there – what else can you do, right?
God gave her to you for a reason, and obviously you know that. She’s so lucky to have such an amazing family! You are all brilliant!
Hang in there dear Tiffani. Hopefully you are onto something that is starting to change the way she thinks about stripping. Or why she is doing it. You inspire me to be a better, more patient mama. Hug
I just can’t be’eve how much Tiara and Bethany are! it is really unbelievable! I thought Bethany was one of a kind!
http://faithfulmomof9.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/doctors-medications-and-insurance/
I have my own special needs child with behavioral (and emotional) issues, so I know the daily struggle they present… and how overwhelming and frustrating it can be.
When one behavior goes ‘away’ another usually crops up…
Hopefully, things work out with this one… my son used to pull his *ahem* out when he had to pee… outside, inside, in the stores, wherever.
He’s a lot more concious of others now, but not by much sometimes!! 😉
I’ve got an information & resources page for families of children with special needs. If there is a particular site that you find resourceful, I’d LOVE to add it there. I’m always looking for input. Also, I plan on adding a section of blogs for special needs parents…sometimes, it’s great to just listen to others, so we can appreciate our own problems… it puts it in perspective. If you don’t mind me linking your blog there, I’d appreciate it! I’m visiting from the fb hop…I’d love for you to visit me back! You can find me at Sandling All Day I have a contact me page or you can contact me on facebook.
Thanks!!
Marianne