If ever there is a time to question one’s faith it’s when tragedy strikes. Over the past few days, I imagine people all over the world have asked God the same question over and over again.
“God, why did you let those nine people die in a helicopter crash? Why didn’t you save them? How could you let this happen?”
“Are you really up there looking over us God, because one tragedy after another keeps happening to the residents of our Newport Mesa Community and it feels like too much!”
“It feels like we are being targeted or rather we are doomed. Are you trying to teach us a lesson and we aren’t listening?”
“What is happening to this world, God?”
“Why are my children used to seeing grief counselors at school?”
“How can you let us live in a world in which our children know their school could be the site of the next mass shooting?”
The questions are endless as are the horrors that exist on this planet. And yet I still believe in God because I believe in love. God is love. Love exists in the darkest of times and it never dies. Love/God can propel a mother to lift a car so she can free her child trapped beneath its wheels. Love propels a father to dive into shark-infested waters to save his son who is being attacked. Love is giving your partner a kidney so they can live without dialysis. I don’t know how to explain the feeling of love, nor do I know how to explain faith in God. They are both something I feel deep in my soul, they force me to make better choices and they give me hope.
It is my belief that God does not allow bad things to happen. Bad things happen because of the choices humans make and because accidents are inevitable. We are not puppets that God controls. We have free will at all times. He isn’t “in the sky” dictating that Tiffani will have a child with tuberous sclerosis who will die at 16. He isn’t responsible for a drunk getting into his car and running through a red light killing an innocent family. I don’t know why Tiara was born with tuberous sclerosis but I do know that caring for her was the greatest accomplishment of my life and I don’t think I could have endured it without my faith in God.
God loves us despite our human flaws. He is always with us we just need to listen and be open to his love. He will not force himself upon us.
I have to admit this concept is very confusing for me and I won’t pretend to understand how God works. Why did Tiara receive a few miracles in her life and another child didn’t? It doesn’t really make sense but I guess that’s because I’m thinking in human terms. I don’t understand a reality outside of my own and God isn’t of this world, so how could I ever truly understand. I don’t think I can. So, I tell myself “I just need to have faith in God’s ability to guide me and support me when I need it most.”
I am often confused about how to pray or what to pray for. I feel guilty asking God to help me sell more books, or help me get out of debt, it seems selfish but yet I’ve been told by religious professionals to ask God for help in all things. Because I want his support in all things I have found a “short cut” in my prayer life that works for me. I pray for all my family and friends, my FB friends that request prayers and then I ask him “to let me always do his will.” This doesn’t mean I sit around waiting for God to wave a magic wand over my life and fix all my problems. It means that as I move through my days I try to spread love and kindness to every person I encounter and every task I complete. This can be really difficult, but I try. I mess up at least once everyday but God forgives me.
Yesterday the car in front of me was refusing to turn right even though the road was clear and I started getting so angry, I started talking to myself as if the person in the other car could hear me. I talk to myself all day, so this is pretty common in my world.
“Are you frickin kidding me, lady, the road is clear, move your car!” I yelled in my car.
I completely lost my temper and even though no one could hear me and I hadn’t made rude hand gestures to the other driver, I knew I was being rude and mean. Whenever I act like this, I immediately feel yucky until I apologize, so I apologize to God almost instantly. He keeps me accountable for my actions.
So even if it doesn’t feel like God is here, he is. Believe in love, and you will find your way to faith, which brings hope.
Live, love and laugh like it’s your last.
xoxo tiffani
If you live locally and want me to sign your copy of Loving Tiara, pick up a copy or you have questions for me after finishing the book, I’ll be at:
the Monogram Store tomorrow (February 1)
from 10am until 1pm
1823 Westcliff Drive, Newport Beach
Well said BF💗✝️