As I woke up this morning, I wanted to stay in bed and sleep but I didn’t. I got up, changed Tiara’s diaper and left her and Lou playing hide, while I went into the kitchen to make our lattes. Three shots of espresso, 2 for me, one for Lou. One cup of steamed coconut milk seasoned with cinnamon and vanilla. Another cup of organic nonfat milk microwaved on high heat with a teaspoon of white sugar added. Our coffee’s ready.
I heat Tiara some oatmeal I made on the stove the day before but she refuses to eat it. I then gave her some left over California rolls which she devoured in a minute. One down and 2 to go. “Trin, what do you want to eat? You need to eat before we get ready for church.”
She ignores me or doesn’t hear me. I give up for a moment and move on to Lou. “Lou, do you want to try this banana pancake Tabitha told me about? It’s made of flax seeds, a banana, and 2 eggs. You blend it up and then cook it like a pancake.”
lou: “Sure, it sounds good.”
I give it a try. I cook the pancake and offer it to Tiara since she is still perched on her bar stool staring at me and Lou has left the room. She tries it, says “no thank you,” gives me a crappy look, gets off the bar stool and walks away. Ok then. I try it and love it , so I eat the rest. (As you can see my whole vegan thing hasn’t lasted long as evidenced by the fact I am back to eating eggs. My body is not happy without fish and eggs.) I make a second pancake from the rest of the batter.
Trinity raises her head from the ipad and I jump at the opportunity. “Hey do you want this pancake I made?” “Sure, Mom.”
She heard me this time.
Lou walks in and is ready to grab the pancake but before he reaches for it, Trinity takes it. He looks at me questioningly. I shrug my shoulders. I totally screwed Lou over in my attempt to get Trinity to eat something healthy. I knew that if she liked it, I could just make another batch for Lou.
She sits down on her bar stool, takes a bite while staring at the computer screen and suddenly looks up at me in horror. “What is this? What is in this, Mom?” She says with her mouth full. She looks as if she may throw up and Lou finally says, “Just get up and spit it out if you can’t swallow it.” She walks over to the trash can, not the sink and thinks she spits it in.
I then start making her a batch of macaroni and cheese, per her request while she waits, again watching her ipad. As I throw out the box from the mac and cheese, I see she had spit out the piece of pancake on the floor, not in the trash can. Deep breath. I pick it up and throw it away. I let her know she has missed the can. Sigh. Yes, I could have told her to throw it out herself and yes she could be making her own mac and cheese but did I want her in the kitchen working along side me? No, I’d rather finish on my own.
During this time, Lou has eaten the rest of the pancake and likes it but he still needs more food. On a second burner I start his egg whites with cheese and extra pepper. I finish his eggs, serve up Trinity her macaroni and cheese and finish cleaning up the dishes. It is 9:00am and I am already feeling bogged down and irritable.
As I head for my bathroom to start getting ready for church I start thinking about our wedding anniversary, coming up this Friday. Lou mentioned going out, my Mom has asked if we were interested in celebrating with her and my Dad and then it dawns on me as I enter the shower. I am 44 years old and I will be celebrating my 22nd wedding anniversary this week. I have officially been married half my life!
As I am shaving my legs, I say to Lou over the drumming of the water, “Hey did you know I have been married half my life?”
Lou: “That means you have been with me more time than you have been without me, aren’t you lucky?” I roll my eyes
me: “Yes, darling, I’m thrilled,” I say sarcastically.
Lou: “Hey, be nice!”
me: “I am, I’m just teasing you.”
I then wonder, “Do I feel like I have been married half my life”? Not really. Would I change anything if I could? The first thing that pops into my mind: I wouldn’t have spent $500 on Custom printed Christmas Cards pre-recession. I would have saved the money and spent it on something more important. What an odd thing to regret?
I don’t have any real regrets, so it looks like I am very lucky. I life without regrets and guilt may not always be a fun life, but it is a life to be proud of. I couldn’t have chosen a better husband or father for my girls.