I have to admit that my healthy eating and no sugar lifestyle have completely been lost over the past few weeks. I have a serious sugar addiction and when my life gets tough you can always tell by what I shove in my mouth. Anything with sugar in it!
I have been on a really bad roll since Tiara got out of the hospital and was actually skipping meals and eating sweets instead. A granola bar for breakfast, 3 cookies for lunch, a salad for dinner and M&M’s for dessert, followed by ice cream. I am embarrassed to admit that I was drinking a diet coke with the cookies, that is how low I sank. I think diet coke is like devil water because of the chemicals and I quit drinking it years ago, even though I love it. Yet this week, I was my teenage self once again. In high school I would walk out the door in the morning with a Tab in hand and drink diet coke for lunch with 3 cookies everyday. Pretty much my staples in life.
I actually didn’t gain any weight the past few weeks but I have felt terrible. Sadly it isn’t always about weight. I went to bed Friday night and all through the night I had a stomach ache. The kind you get not from overeating but from eating the wrong foods. The burning sensation between your ribs that hurts when you wear a bra or push down on your skin. Of course I constantly feel the area to see if it is still tender, like it will disappear after one Prilosec? NOT! I have a history of acid reflux, and had a hiatal hernia when Tabitha was little so I know better that to push myself that far, but I have been a glutton. Every time I was tired of cranky I found myself reaching for something sweet.
Saturday I woke up and knew I had to make a change. I hadn’t exercised in 3 weeks because of Tiara and I knew I needed a walk desperately. I told Lou how crappy I felt and he offered to skip his workout so I could go for a walk before he left for work. Love that man! I walked by myself for 50 minutes straight and everything felt better. I vowed to avoid all sweets on Saturday to help me get back on track and I made it through the whole day without eating poorly.
Of course when I returned from my walk, I was tempted horribly when I saw a few left over donuts on the counter, but I closed the bag and moved it out of sight. UGHHHH, Lou, seriously? By the afternoon the donuts were calling to me and no one had touched them all day. I peeked inside the bag and saw a jelly and a glaze twist. Ohhh, help my God. I quickly closed the bag and threw it in the trash. I will admit that I actually considered taking it out of the trash for a minute and eating the donuts but by some grace of God I forged ahead and didn’t eat them.
Sunday morning I woke up early and went for another walk. I almost feel like my old self again. Trinity and I went to church and the whole family went to lunch at Fashion Island just like the old days. The weather was perfect and Trinity and I weeded the garden and put down some mulch while my mother in law spent time with Tiara in the afternoon. It is seriously shocking what exercise can do for a person. I didn’t crave sweets on Sunday and I didn’t need a nap either day. I was full of energy and happy.
Part of the happiness can also be attributed to the fact, Tiara is walking on her own again. She is still pretty wobbly and can’t get off the floor by herself yet but she is back to changing her clothes 5 times a day and throwing crayons all over the house. The other good news is that she is off her oxygen during most of the day, so I think we can return to our walks any day now. We are going to try a walk on Monday and see how it goes.
The other small piece that has made me feel better this weekend is that I have been focusing on improving my house. I was obsessing over moving and have been driving all over town looking at different neighborhoods and Lou has been shaking his head every time I talk about my discoveries. It then dawned on me that I don’t really want to move but I need a project. Of course I hate our huge overwhelming house payment but the truth is I get bored so easily I need something else to focus on outside myself. Like looking for a new house and imaging what I could do to fix it up. I need to focus on something which brings me joy and I love working on my house. I haven’t been able to spend any money on it in years so I had given up. I decided that I don’t need to give up, I just need to find a way to do small stuff that is inexpensive and brings me happiness. I know how to do this but I have felt defeated the past few years and as a result my house doesn’t look the way I like it to look.
So I made a rather huge list of things I can accomplish myself on the house and once they are done the house will look great so if we do decide to sell it will be ready and if we stay, the up keep will be done. Now I just have to finish the list!
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend !
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