Ok, by the time you finish reading this post, you will probably be in disbelief, maybe a little queasy and if you are anything like me, you will be on a mission to get your ears coned asap.
So this is the story. About 6 years ago I was at lunch with a few ladies and I was complaining about getting water in my ear and feeling like my ears were clogged all the time. My friend, Carrie, said “you should cone your ears, it is so great.” “Cone my ears, what the heck is that? “Yes, once you do it, you can hear so much better, and so much wax comes out it is rather unbelievable.”
She then went on describe how she buys these beeswax “holistic candles” from Visions and Dreams, right on Newport Blvd. Carrie, knows me pretty well, so she warned me not to try it on my own, “you definitely need a helper.” She does it every year while drinking wine with a couple of neighbor ladies and they laugh as they watch who has the most wax.
So right after our lunch, that many years ago I went out and bought my first set and came home to try them on Tabitha.
Since I couldn’t do it on myself, Tabitha agreed to volunteer and since that day we have all been hooked on ear coning. Tabitha started bringing her friends over and several moms heard about it and asked to pay me to do their ears. I really didn’t want to spend my days cleaning wax out of non-family members ears, so I had to decline the offers. I gave them instructions, but that was as far as I could go.
Back to the present. Last week, Trinity and Tabitha were both complaining they wanted their ears done. Tabitha kept saying her ears were itching and she was going deaf, always my fault and after I went to the doctor and she said I had wax in my ears, I decided I better go buy some cones. I went to buy 3 packs at Visions and Dreams and decided we would spend our Friday night cleaning each others ears. I know, don’t you wish you were in my family? Other families do game night or movie night, not the Goff’s, we do ear coning night!
I bought 2 of the respiratory refresher, which is my favorite, and all that they had left in stock and one lavender. I am not the only weirdo in town, because lots of times they are sold out of almost every different type. The ones I buy are $12 a set and I have found them for much cheaper at Mother’s and online but for some reason the cheaper ones don’t work as well, so I just keep buying the Coning Works brand. They are really much better than the other ones. You know I like a deal, but sometimes quality is more important, especially when dealing with your body.
Each packet come with directions, but the process is pretty odd so I am going to show you how it works.
- old bowl you never want to use again
- ear cones with pokers
- pillow for victims head
- towels, one to protect the pillow from melting wax and one to protect the the victim’s head and hair.
1. Have the person lay on their side, likeTrinity and protect their hair with a towel. Make sure you have the bowl of water, lighter, scissors and cones within arms distance.
2. Light the wide end of the cone with the lighter. Start tapping the center of the cone gently with the lighter, until you see smoke come out of the BOTTOM of the cone. This may take a few minutes and can be a little frustrating because it seems to take forever, but don’t start until the smoke comes out the bottom or it won’t work.
3. place the small end of the cone into the person’s ear and hold it at an angle away from the face to prevent wax from dripping into the ear canal or onto the person.
4. Make sure that no smoke is leaking from the ear. I am not going to pretend that I even understand how this works, but I know it has to do with the smoke pulling the wax out of the eardrum and into the cone. IT DOES NOT HURT, but you will feel a little pulling sensation and when it is really getting a bunch of wax, you will hear crackling. My girls always get so excited when it starts to crackle. Hold the cone in place until it looks like the ashy part may drop, as shown below.
5. Quickly dip the end of the cone, the one that is flaming, into the water to put out the fire. Try not to get more of the beeswax wet than necessary because you have to relight the cone after you clean it out. And now the fun part. Take the long poker that comes with the cone and stick it in the small end. Push through any wax that has accumulated in the cone, into the water. OMG, look what comes out!
6. I know, you can’t believe it, right? How disgusting, but how so super cool is that? That huge long piece of wax was from the first lighting of Trinity’s left ear.
7. Now, relight the cone and repeat the process 2 more times on that same ear. You have to be careful not to let the cone burn too close to the head, so always leave about 5 inches unburned for safety.
8. Once you finish one ear, clean out the edges of your ear with a Q-tip. If your ear feels really weird and hollow, it helps to put a little olive oil on a Q-tip and rub inside your ear. We all needed the oil the first few times, but through the years we don’t even bother with it anymore.
9. Now change sides and do the other ear. The whole process takes about 45 minutes which is why, Trinity got her ears done and Tabitha got her ears done. Tiara begged me to do her “ears, ears” like her sisters, so I used one of my cones on her and did one lighting on each ear, so she got hers done too. I couldn’t believe she held still.
GUESS WHAT, everyone was too tired (Trinity) or on their way out for the night (Tabitha) to complete my ears, so as you read this, I still can’t hear well and my ears are full of wax. I am sure Tiara would have done it for me, but clearly that wasn’t an option.
And that is ear coning! I think you should try it because I know you will love it, but do it at your own risk.
DISCLAIMER: I guess I need to give you a disclaimer that I am not formally trained and cannot advocate this in the event something bad happens to you. Gotta love waivers, disclaimers and every other way we are required to put people “on notice” so they don’t sue us.