If you would have asked me this question 13 years ago my answer would have been unequivocally, ‘LOOK GOOD!” If you asked me today, I would say “FEEL GOOD!” Why is that? I guess with age comes a certain maturity and acceptability about who you are and what is important. The truth is if you don’t feel good about yourself, as in being comfortable in your own skin, your lack of self esteem will creep through into your personality making you less attractive than you actually are. Obviously, this is my own opinion based on no research, just feelings.
Have you ever met someone who physically looks really great and then they start talking and within seconds you so repulsed by their personality, you no longer think they are attractive on any level? I have met plenty of people like that, but I have also met people who look like your average Joe but once they smile and starting talking you instantly fall in love with their personality and think they are one of the most beautiful person you have ever met. It goes both ways.
You are probably wondering why I am even talking about this subject? The truth is it has taken me 42 years to finally find a balance between looking and feeling good. As a teenager I was obsessed with my looks, partly because my mother was obsessed with the way I looked and being the first child I always did everything to please my mom. I lived in fear of not always looking “perfect”. I starved myself all the time even though I was genetically born with a thin figure. I spent hours getting ready to leave the house everyday. I mean, really, what a waste of time. It is actually sad when I think about how worried I always was about my hair, my make-up, my outfit, my purse, my nails, my shoes, my jewelry, did I miss anything? Either way it was ridiculous, but it is all that I knew.
I remember during finals one year I decided I would wear sweats to school like everyone else. I was exhausted from studying late into the night and woke up late. I took a shower of course, (I thought it was against the law not to wash your hair and shower everyday)put my hair in a pony tail, put on a little mascara and some scummy sweat outfit I loved to wear around the house. I came downstairs, grabbed my diet coke, (nice breakfast) and was out the door when my Mom stopped me. She said “where are you going in that outfit? “To school. I thought I would wear sweats like all my friends.” “NO WAY!, Go change right now and put on something decent.” I started to argue but then realized I would be late for school and I was never late, so I had no other choice than to change. I remember feeling bummed, and thinking “who cares what I wear?”
I guess that was my first seed of doubt about the way I was taught to think about how I presented myself in public. Maybe it wasn’t important to look good every second of every day?
Then I met Lou. I would always complain about my feet hurting and the size of my big butt. He would ask me “Why are you wearing those shoes if they hurt your feet?” I would look at him like he was an idiot, roll my eyes and answer, “Because they look good, why else would I wear them?” He then asked me “why is it more important for you to look good than feel good, Tiffani? You always look pretty,and no you don’t have a big butt, so why not wear something more comfortable?” “What?” I will never forget that day, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. Wear something comfortable, hummmm, what a novel idea. No one had ever said that to me before. So from that day on over 20 years ago I made my slow progression towards feeling good on all levels over looking good.
It took several years, but I now officially never look at my rear reflection. If I look fine from the front, all the people walking behind me will have to deal with the view. Lou thinks my butt looks fine, so I’m going with it.
So as you can imagine, it has been a long and arduous progression but I think I have made it. Now lets be honest:
- Yes, I will go to the market in my dirty workout clothes without a stitch of makeup on.
- Yes, I will invite you into my house while I am still wearing my pajamas and my hair looks crazy.
- Yes, you will probably never see me in heels, except on a very rare occasion.
- Yes, 99% of my clothes go into the washer and dryer and do not require ironing and are not itchy.
- Yes, my toe nails are always painted but hardly ever my nails.
- No, I am never on a diet and will not starve myself on purpose for anything.
- Yes, I always eat healthy with the occasional dessert and lots of wine.
- No, I will probably never let myself get overweight so I exercise 6 days a week.
- Yes, I have a small muffin top, but I can live with it.
- And yes, I do, and will always do face work because I never want my face to look too old, wrinkly or saggy. This is my week point.
As a matter of fact I have to hurry and finish this post because I have an appointment at the dermatologist’s office to get those wrinkles filled in.
Oh, didn’t finish my post in time and now I am back from the doctor’s and I am in soooo much pain. I just had Juvederm without any numbing or a dental block and it really, really hurt. When I got home, my Mom was here babysitting Tiara and she was thrilled with my face work. I on other hand was having a hard time appreciating it because of the pain and I said to my Mom, “thank goodness I will be done with this for at least a year.” She looked at me and said.”Oh, you know you can have her fix those wrinkles on the side of your face too.” What, really? Oh God, thanks for the idea Mom.
Enough is enough, I don’t want to look like one of those freaky ladies who is puffy and her face doesn’t move. I think this is it for a while….