My husband Lou has been wearing the same size clothing for the past 10 years and yet he still can’t remember what size he wears. Lou and I have a long complicated history in regards to his wardrobe. When we met he only shopped at Nordstrom’s. He had a credit card from his parents and just went in and bought whatever he wanted. WOW, must be nice. I was always spoiled by my parents but not to the same level as Lou. My Mom taught me to save on certain items and know when to splurge. She would buy me a $100 sweater in high school, which was really extravagant, but then we would buy my ballet leotards at Pic N Save (currently called Big Lots) for $5.00. I personally loved shopping at Pic -N- Save, Fedco and Gemco, I am so aging myself right now, as I am sure some of you have never even heard of these stores that no longer exist. Either way, I was taught not to be wasteful.
Once we were married and Lou had to change his daily wardrobe from a polo shirt and jeans to an actual suit, dress shirt and slacks to sell cars we ran into a few problems. As you may remember from my past posts, when Lou got a job selling cars we were super poor. We had a baby, lived in an apartment in West Costa Mesa, drove a broken down Bronco II and a Volkswagen Rabbit. We did not have money to shop at Nordstrom, yet when Lou needed to buy work clothes he assumed that is where he would buy his clothes. Is there another place that sells work clothes? Yes, darling there is, places like Macy’s, Robinson’s, and those large suit warehouse stores. “Oh, I can’t go to those places, you know I need special sizes.”
The size issue! I am not sure if you have seen a picture of my husband, but he is 6’2, has a rather large build but definitely not abnormal or out of proportion for his height. Nevertheless he wears a size 15 shoe, yes, I know, it is ridiculous and a very odd shirt size, 17 1/2 neck, and sleeve length 36/37. Let me tell you that size is almost impossible to find but not as impossible as 17 neck and 35/36 sleeve, which was the original size he wore when I met him. After he realized we couldn’t afford to just walk into Nordstrom and buy whatever he needed for work he refused to shop for himself. After several failed trips to the mall, he just declared ” I won’t do this anymore. You have to buy my clothes if I can’t buy them at Nordstrom.” And so for the past 18 years I have been in charge of purchasing all his clothes. You might be thinking, well that is so easy, then you don’t have to deal with his finickiness. Wrong again, if I bring home the wrong thing he refuses to wear it and then I have to return it and I hate returning things.
He also goes through phases where all the dress shirts must be white and then 6 months later decides he wants all blue and then 3 months later a mix of colors. His shirts must have a certain collar, only one pocket, and can only be a specific fabric. The pants must have pleats, be 100% wool with an unfinished hem that the tailor cuffs, and he will only wear black or dark shades of gray. The underwear must be a size smaller than his pant size and only Calvin Klein. And for the the shoes. You have no idea how hard it is to find size 15 dress shoes. To be honest, Nordstrom’s is one of the only stores that carries his size and I think that is whey he got so hooked on the store as a teenager, but each pair of shoes is $300. It is pretty impossible to find a discount on size 15, black Italian leather loathers.
So, back to my current dilemma. Lou just started a new job last week and he is very excited to be the New Car Director, of the soon to be open, Mercedes Benz of Ontario, a Fletcher Jones dealership. As a result he wanted to get some new clothes and spruce up his wardrobe which I fully support. The problem is that I can’t buy the suits without him and we can’t take TT to the mall to shop for him, so he needed to do this one on his own. He kept talking about it and talking about it and I finally said ” please just buy the flipping (the word I use instead of the actual “F” word) suits, why are talking about it so much?” “Because I hate shopping and the thought of it is stressing me out.” After a failed attempt to support the local Ontario outlet mall, he decided to call his suit guy that shows up with suits in a van to the dealership. He picked out three and was very happy with his choices but then came home with a box of white shirts in the wrong size. After looking at the 6 shirts sitting on our closet floor for 2 days I finally asked, “why do you have those shirts in the wrong size? Did the suit guy make a mistake?” “What, that’s my size.” He replied. “No darling it is not your size, you wear a size 17 1/2 neck not 17.” “Oh, I guess I will have to call the suit guy and return them.” “Yes, please do.” He is notorious for failing to return anything. He will just let it sit in the closet until I return it, or it is too late and then we have to give the item away to charity.
The next day he comes home from work with a Calvin Klein bag in his hand. “What did you buy?” ” I needed underwear and they have a Calvin Klein outlet store in Ontario so I picked them up.” ” Oh, good. Did you get a 34?” “No, I bought a 36, isn’t that the size I wear?” “No, Lou, you wear a 34. I guess you better return those too.” Of course I keep bringing up, “How could you not know what size you wear?” He finally said, “Well if you would have bought my stuff like I asked I wouldn’t be having this problem!” “You never asked me to buy you underwear?” “Yes, I did months ago, Tiffani.” My response, “I did buy you underwear months ago.” “I know but only one pack and I need more. I need socks too.” “Fine, fine, I will get some.” Super easy feat with Tiara along.
And so the truth is out, this is all my fault. If I would have bought enough underwear for him 2 months ago and bought him more shirts for Father’s Day, none of this would have happened. The funny thing is that people think Lou is easy going and I am the difficult one. The truth is we are both difficult, but just in different ways, so we are a perfect match.
Off to try and buy the undergarments online, such a better idea.