I guess you are probably wondering how many did I eat, that I need to detox? Well, I ate 5 Sprinkles cupcakes on Mother’s Day. I know, I know….. I just couldn’t help myself, I have a serious sugar problem once I get started. Well, the truth is I was revving up for a sugar overdose all week leading up to Sunday. Tiara was really aggressive last week and kept scratching me over and over again. I have scabs all over my neck and arms. Then on top of it, every time I got her into the car she wouldn’t get out. I actually got sunburned standing on my driveway for half an hour trying to coax her out of the car. She was super stubborn all week and like many women I sometimes eat for emotional comfort. By Thursday, I was really starting to crave a good cupcake but I kept telling myself not to get started. When I went to pick up Trinity from school on Thursday, Tiara refused to exit the car again and then started throwing every loose item from the car floor at my face. I then discovered she had sat on a melted blue crayon and she had accidentally smeared it everywhere. Luckily most of the moms are used to seeing me sitting in the car while Tiara throws crap at my head and so when I finally gave up and realized I wouldn’t be able to get out of the car. I asked a mom passing by to send Trinity out to the car for me. Once Trinity got in the car, I drove straight to Suzy Cakes. Trinity was shocked, “what are we doing Mom?” I handed her $20 and said “go inside and buy 3 cupcakes. One red velvet, one white with coconut and whichever one you want. Hurry!” I didn’t have to ask her twice, since she inherited my sweet tooth. She ran into the bakery and was back in 5 minutes. We went home and I cut my 2 cupcakes in half and shared with Tiara. Ohhhh, they were so good, but just not enough.
Friday, I comtemplated a Frappuccino with whip cream, but decided to finish off the last of the Trader Joes’s small chocolate chip cookies instead. I think I ate 10, but they are really small, could have been 15 but who is counting? I was actually licking the crumbs off the bottom of the container because they were the only sweets we had left in the house and I didn’t feel satisfied. I was like an alcoholic going through all the empty bottles trying to find one more sip., except I was scrounging for just one more crumb. Not a pretty site.
Saturday morning Trinity woke up and asked for a donut. Lou and I both say No. Trinity went outside and was playing with Tiara when suddenly I heard Trinity scream for me. As soon as I heard the scream, I knew Tiara must have turned on her and was pulling Trinity’s hair. I jumped up and ran to the backyard, but Lou just looked at me like I was crazy. He wasn’t processing what was going on. Then he heard me screaming, “stop, stop” and he came running. Like I thought Tiara had a fistful of Trin’s hair but I got her free. Once Lou arrived on the scene he got crazy mad at Tiara and then Tabitha showed up and started screaming at Lou to be more gentle with Tiara. This happens in our house all the time but usually I am screaming at Tabitha to not hurt Tiara. I know Lou won’t hurt Tiara but sometimes when Tiara beats me up, Tabitha steps in and tries to help. I get really scared because I don’t think Tabitha realizes how strong she is, so I end up yelling at Tabitha to not hurt Tiara. So everyone was screaming and crying and the house was complete chaos until Trinity, Lou and Tabitha all calmed down.
Well, after the catastrophe was over, Lou looked at Trin and said “what kind of donut do you want?” She asked for a glazed donut and then Lou at me with a questioning gaze. “Do you want one Tiffani?” “OK, yes, get me a chocolate old fashioned, but just one. I was so waiting for that donut but the the bummer part was when I took my first bite it wasn’t that good. It tasted super greasy and not like I remembered. Hummm. I decided it wasn’t worth it so I left it on the counter. Lou came in and said “please, throw that away if you aren’t going to eat, otherwise I will end up eating it”. So I tossed it hesitantly into the garbage. That afternoon we had a softball party with cookie bars, cakes, and cupcakes, OMG it was heaven. I ate one cookie bar and it was really good but I was eyeing the red velvet cake. It was from Von’s but it looked like it would taste amazing. I cut it into pieces for the mom who brought it and I just kept staring at it the whole party. Finally at the end I was serving a piece to one of the players and some frosting got on my finger. I licked my finger expecting to taste a fabulous cream cheese frosting but it tasted horrible. Like some Crisco, butter cream frosting that had no flavor and left a film on the roof of your mouth. I was pretty bummed, but figured it was meant to be.
And so when I woke up on Mother’s Day, I realized I still needed to make dessert for the lunch. Everyone likes my cookies but I knew those wouldn’t satisfy my craving, plus I didn’t feel like baking them since I needed to bake bread before church. It was during church that I decided I had to have Sprinkles. It was Mother’s Day after all and I had been craving them all week and Tabitha drove herself to church so I could send her straight from church to Sprinkles. I wrote up a list of 12 cupcakes attached my debit card and passed it down the pew to her before church ended. When she got up to leave, my mom offered to go with her and buy the cupcakes. Cool. Now, I specially said only 12 because I knew the kids wouldn’t eat to many so if we bought more than 12, I would most likely go crazy and eat way too many. Well, Tabitha isn’t always a great listener and apparently she left the list in the car when she went into Sprinkles so she came home with 18 cupcakes. Just Great.
Seriously, I started shaking I was so excited when I saw them. 8 red velvet, 4 chocolate with white frosting, 2 lemon, 1 chocolate marshmallow and 3 with white cake and white frosting. Yummm After a very quick lunch I started cutting them in halves, so I could try all the different kinds. I ate 6 halves in the first sitting and after a few bites of salmon for dinner I ate 2 more full red velvet’s. 5 total. I actually didn’t even have a stomachache because I didn’t eat much else the whole day. This is my old routine. When I was a kid my parents would buy us a dozen donuts on a Saturday morning and I would nothing else all day until the whole box was gone. I think my sister would eat 2 or 3, but I would the other 9. I just couldn’t stop. It is for this reason, I try to avoid sugar on a daily basis because I lose all self control and I will stop eating all healthy food just so I can eat cookies and cupcakes. I hate the feeling of overeating and being too full, so I just skip regular food. In the last few years I have become slightly pre-diabetic (over 99 is pre diabetic and my number is 100) and I think it is from all my years of obsessively eating sugar.
When I woke up today I weighed myself like I do every morning and drum roll, I GAINED 4 POUNDS in 2 days. Wow, I think that is a record. I usually weigh myself everyday for this exact reason. I can’t be trusted when I am eating sweets and since I wear draw string pants everyday, I could gain 10 pounds and not even feel it in my clothes. So as of todayBack to the veggies…..
So if you overindulged on Mother’s Day you aren’t alone, because I did too. And for the record it was my best Mother’s Day ever and not because of the cupcakes but because my family was so sweet and spoiled me all day.